She Wondered

She wondered if she deserved it That slap on the face Had she stepped out of line To deserve such a disgrace She chided herself again For letting feelings show She thought that she was safe But how was she to know That life was a masquerade And she always got the blame Though others played as well She always lost the game She wondered if this time She’d get pushed over the edge She stood there for some time Wanted to fly off that ledge She seemed to be tough and strong But inside fragile and frail She had tried to end it once But it had been to no avail And now she came full circle And cursed her foolish heart She wanted to scream and cry Of the world she’d have no part She’d come out of her shell Only to be abused Maybe she’d crawl back in She refused to be used It was never a good thing To wear her heart on her sleeve Now she was left with anger All that she could do was grieve The lesson that she had learned She would carry to her grave Never let your feelings show To your reason be a slave As she wiped away her tears She felt her weak heart harden Only God could help her now She needed grace to pardon Eileen Manassian Ghali