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Shame and guilt sabotaged mine healthy growth

Internalized emotions wrought quotidian psychological oppression retrospective reflection courtesy 20/20 hindsight reveals absolute zero positive development of body, mind, and spirit extreme agitation compromised maturation, education, and socialization every year since being born free and clear of obvious defects minus alien aberration, Russian collusion..., nor deplorable crooked Hillary accusation and submucous cleft palate inducing severe nasality fraught with arduous speaking difficulty coping, fraternizing, integrating within ordinary circumstances alienated, defied, horrified, mortified, scared, zapped yours truly, albeit analogous experiencing ferocious, hellacious, torturous... suffering predicated on suppressing and/or repressing moderate slights inflicted upon withdrawn younger self, who lacked adroit, deft, heft... coping with typical situations subsequently aggravating, exacerbating, jinxing... to cultivate, generate, liberate locked potential hypothesized, premised, yoked infantile grievous inconsolable crying unsolved behavioral mystery venting only for my "mommy dearest" would utter (this from hearsay) exhibiting extreme aversion if other than thee birth mother comforted, cradled, cocooned..., an extremely reticent individual buckling as strapping bullies relentlessly belted jibed, taunted... said teasing begat intimidation (oft times mentioned other poems) scrawny kid (me) cowed, fawned, irked, nonetheless I remained passive against blistering, hectoring, teasing, which apothegm turning other cheek avoided getting smashed pumpkin face courtesy subservient stance devotional acquiescence help me dog pose prayer temporarily answered harboring entire being ten thousand feet beneath avast sea of dejection time and again repeated alas crass harassment absorbed into nucleus of every cell anchored barnacle encrusted tenuous pride in short shrift brewing, abjection, dejection, humiliation... "NOT FAKE" misery inducing suicidal ideation spurring serious delineation allowing, enabling, proffering permanent salvation uber vacation among livingsocial years later overlaid earthshaking fault finding misbehavior gifted from those I called mother and father.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2019




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