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Scent of a Woman, Scent of a Man, Bawdy and Poop Warning - Now a Collaboration
Scent of a Woman, Scent of a Man, Bawdy and Poop Warning - Now a Collaboration
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Folk purchase this celeb’s new candle
It’s something my brain cannot handle
‘Smells like my v’gina’
Could give folk angina
This fragrance has caused quite a scandal
Inspired by a comment from a fancy friend who told me about the candle range by Gwyneth Paltrow! It only costs $75!!!
Jan Allison 11/28/21
Terry Flood mailed me with this limerick and asked me to make my poem into a collaboration
A power cut made us all sniff
For each candle had its own whiff
As one candles flares
It smells of downstairs
The vicar said is that you Gwyneth
By Terry Flood 11/30/21
A really strange lady named Gwyn,
Couldn't wait for the games to begin.
Now she's stuck on one channel,
Even made up a candle,
So we all can now breathe her scent in.
Most women have special perfumes,
They lavish each time that they groom,
But Gwyn likes to go natural,
With her it's habitual,
To clear out a room with her fumes.
Written by Judy Ball
Now Gwyneth loves sprouts and baked beans
She also likes very tight jeans
A new candle ‘flavour’
For sniffers to savour
Is currently splitting her seams
The full name of little Miss farting
Whose body scents business is starting
Well wouldn't you know it
A gift for a poet
For Gwyneth is Miss Paltrow Martin
So candles in ‘Foo Foo’ and muck
And one for her hubby, Brad Falchuk
This one she said
Reminds me of bed
I call it aroma of Duck (typo)
Written by Terry Flood
The lady smells divine, iron man simply reeks
After waxing off her crotch, she felt pretty sleek
With that silky smooth finish
Harsh odours soon diminished
Try Gwyneth Paltrows candles, (no more killer queefs)
Written by David Kavanagh
A crotch-scented candle may fetch
Nearly 80 bucks... now THAT'S a stretch!
Ms Paltrow bestowed her
Sublabial odor?
I'm feeling like I'm Gwyn to wretch
Perhaps the next product she'll sell:
Shampoo with her man's armpit smell
An aroma so nasty
You'll need septoplasty
And a Yul Brynner haircut as well
Written by John Watt
I have heard Gwen can get quite kinky
Turned on by a scent a little stinky
Use her candle don’t pump
With the next one you dump
Pull the finger and never a pinky
By Mark Koplin
SCENT OF A MAN
I’ve produced a candle with Arthur
Who is a professional farter
Candle’s scented with fart
As emitted by Art…
This venture may be a non starter
By Jan Allison 11/30/21/
I always admired candle light's soft glow
Until my boyfriend's farts begin to blow
It led to a fight
That lasted all night
Next time I'll wake him up using ammo
It happened again while he was sleeping
It smelled so bad that I started weeping
The butt scent of that man
Made me turn on a fan
But the stench of his gas is still seeping
Written By Jenna Logan
I bought one of those special Gwyneth scents
I should've had much better sense
It smells like putrid fart,
I really wasn’t too smart
So, now I’ll go back to my own essence!
Written by L Milton Hankins
Her next range to earn her a stack
Says Machismo both front and back
The one she’s just lit
Won’t be a big hit
It’s called Eau de builders butt-crack
Written by Terry Flood
Two care home owners Suzanne and Randall
Sold a male and female scented candle
Obtained that musky scent
Without owners consent
Had their home shut down cos of the scandal
Written by Tom Cunningham
I kicked the stinker out and would you believe
He sent me a ribboned gift on Christmas Eve
Two candles, scented
That's a bit demented
But I refused to light them...I'm not that naïve.
Written by Lin Lane
PLEASE SOUP MAIL ME ANY POEMS TO ADD ON
Copyright © Jan Allison | Year Posted 2021
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