Sanctuary II

It has been twelve years Every one of those years I have been turned away by officials of the city Twelve long years of being on the housing waiting list Being the only breadwinner Times got tougher To my children I imagine that to them I am a failure in many ways No where for me to seek refuge The only way is inside my head could convince me otherwise What do you say to a man living with cerebral palsy? Who has to proof himself on all fronts Spiritually it becomes draining in a one room flat He becomes out of touch with those immediate loved ones Wife then kids or vice versa All freedoms are compromised Specially the kids As a physical impaired man I am not much affected Considering my boarding school days It becomes tough when it is an all female club And I am the only male and physically impaired Mentally the impact takes its toll There is a heaviness within me I cannot seem to find an outlet That's why I'm living on a page Out of control I wear this crown of thorns Upon my liars chair Full of broken thoughts I cannot repair If you see me smiling It is a front this is how I deal with my pain Many second job attempts fail I am beginning to doubt myself I sometimes stare at myself in the mirror My wife's take on it is that I am full of myself That may be the case It runs much deeper than that Maybe I am taking her too much along with me But I can't help it we are close knit family The Lord has blessed me With three daughters They could write a book about me one day if they are aspiring authors along with my wife as their editor Poetry is my only sanctuary My world in black and white I silently wish for all those material things Things that is out my grasp of understanding Why some of us gets it easy and others hard Is there a lesson to us that are disenfranchised or are we nearing our expiry date? Hey, it is just a thought along with my perception of things Who gets to build us up? When you hit rock bottom What is the bottom line? What if we get to that helpline too late? What will they say in your obituary Were you worthwhile living with Or were you known to be a prick Only time will tell Poetry is my only sanctuary My world in black and white