Refurbished Nursery Rhymes: Peter Piper's Peculiar Pepper Patch

"Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers…" Every time I hear a kid recite this twisted rhyme, I'm 'minded how 'gainst Mother Nature it's a crime. What that peck of peppers was no one can tell, Perhaps banana, jalapeño, cherry, bell. But whate'er they were, it's plain, at least to me, That such a peck as that came off no bush nor tree. For years this simple nursery flaw Has scraped, and scoured, and rubbed me raw, And in my very craw the thing's been sticking. So to bring the problem up to date, And to try and set the record straight, I've checked with Vlasik, Clausen, Kraft, And all agree the notion's daft That peppers can be pickled prior to picking. Author's note: Of course, there could have been a typo in the original manuscript, and Peter actually "packed a peck of pickled peppers", or maybe Peter, himself, was partially "pickled" when he picked 'em. Entered in Tom Woody's Nursery Rhyme Wackiness Poetry Contest on July 16, 2024.