Rambling Thoughts For Another Day

It's early morning I've not yet decided who I am Thoughts are settling here and there Building a picture There's a reluctance on my part to fill in all the spaces I just don't want to see I'm very afraid of really looking at myself From ever putting everything together and making a full assessment So I evaluate little bits That's something to ponder I suppose The sum of the parts, the concept of anything being worthwhile if some bits are broken I'm too complicated Too much of the way I work happening from a locked room I should oversee and manage Perhaps I'm too controlled and a rebellion is on the way I have desires and wants and needs But no answers should I be asked what I would like to do I fear hope, like there's too much at stake to risk disappointment I've woke up. My heart stays stop the poem. There's panic at the idea of reaching a revelation regarding why I limit myself I can throw something in about self worth, that will do But the nagging thought being dragged away is that I'm denying expression of myself for a reason I torment myself about whether I'm likeable I can conclude I am just by looking at the faces Perhaps there's something to consider about my need to test that but this isn't the worry any more I just keep the trophy of the memory of being likeable That's a digression, a happy diversion into something I'm not currently bothered about Should my full complement of friends decide I'm annoying after all these years, then I could install a new set I can't get back to the thought It's not in my head or my heart The location is now hidden I reckon it's been shifted into the hip bone Off the grid I'm still not built for the day My brain just launched the word languishing at me Just googled it, you're not wrong brain but if you're so clever can you do more than throw single words at me I'm now fully awake and all ability to watch a piece of me as it enters the stage has gone I'm just nagged by thoughts of what people will think of me drowning out anything of use I could return to the question of what do I want to do The answer is have permission to be in flow more Without feeling guilt or regret Being without judgement