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Poem
It's early morning
I've not yet decided who I am
Thoughts are settling here and there
Building a picture
There's a reluctance on my part to fill in all the spaces
I just don't want to see
I'm very afraid of really looking at myself
From ever putting everything together and making a full assessment
So I evaluate little bits
That's something to ponder I suppose
The sum of the parts, the concept of anything being worthwhile if some bits are broken
I'm too complicated
Too much of the way I work happening from a locked room
I should oversee and manage
Perhaps I'm too controlled and a rebellion is on the way
I have desires and wants and needs
But no answers should I be asked what I would like to do
I fear hope, like there's too much at stake to risk disappointment
I've woke up.
My heart stays stop the poem.
There's panic at the idea of reaching a revelation regarding why I limit myself
I can throw something in about self worth, that will do
But the nagging thought being dragged away is that I'm denying expression of myself for a reason
I torment myself about whether I'm likeable
I can conclude I am just by looking at the faces 
Perhaps there's something to consider about my need to test that but this isn't the worry any more
I just keep the trophy of the memory of being likeable 
That's a digression, a happy diversion into something I'm not currently bothered about 
Should my full complement of friends decide I'm annoying after all these years, then I could install a new set 
I can't get back to the thought
It's not in my head or my heart
The location is now hidden
I reckon it's been shifted into the hip bone
Off the grid
I'm still not built for the day
My brain just launched the word languishing at me
Just googled it, you're not wrong brain but if you're so clever can you do more than throw single words at me 
I'm now fully awake and all ability to watch a piece of me as it enters the stage has gone
I'm just nagged by thoughts of what people will think of me drowning out anything of use
I could return to the question of what do I want to do
The answer is have permission to be in flow more
Without feeling guilt or regret
Being without judgement
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