Pondering My Journey
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I _
have been thinking and pondering my life so far
as I meander back to sad places and faces
the past is who I am today in truth
beyond all the weather-stained years . . . I think
every life event
every scar on my soul
every shadow that haunts my sleep
every dreg of past sorrow
and every death
has made me- ME
still see mother holding my little girl hand
and the blood soaked snow
and mother's shrieking will evermore haunt
death caressed my hair that day
as he took my sister away
I froze as safe, still, silence wrapped around me
I heard . . .
I played . . .
but refused to speak words . . .
within quietus I made up lovely stories and waited
and the drums of times rolled on and I grew up
time softens the pain_
and alone in an attic room- the seed of a poet grew louder
(often, go to the cemetery in snow, rain, and sunshine)
and wander the rows of headstones - thinking, pondering
father taught me to love the forest and all of nature
mother taught me to love flowers
grandma gave me the gift and power of words
grandpa was laughter
slowly, death would visit me again and again . . .
and take another beloved family member away
even brother, a sweet baby who became a peace keeper, dead
even my true love and child (why, I weep)
even pets took a piece of my heart with them
and each time I would retreat into a cocoon of silence to heal
truth is, always been an introvert totally able to entertain myself
never knew that would be a good thing to be
never knew the ravaged garden of my life would become poetry
never knew my stillness would bring me tranquility
I must say my journey although an infinite crisis
has led me to here and now
exactly where I am meant to be
I think . . .
_______________________
December 27, 2020
Poetry/Free Verse/pondering my journey
Copyright Protected, ID 12-1316-783-27
All Rights Reserved, 2020, Constance La France
Written for the Standard contest, JUST THINKIN'.......
sponsor, John Lawless, Judged 01/04/21
First Place
_______________________
Submitted to the contest, Journey Without Movement
sponsor, Unseeking Seeker, Judged 12/05/2022
Fifth Place
Copyright © Constance La France | Year Posted 2020
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