Pondering My Journey

I _ have been thinking and pondering my life so far as I meander back to sad places and faces the past is who I am today in truth beyond all the weather-stained years . . . I think every life event every scar on my soul every shadow that haunts my sleep every dreg of past sorrow and every death has made me- ME still see mother holding my little girl hand and the blood soaked snow and mother's shrieking will evermore haunt death caressed my hair that day as he took my sister away I froze as safe, still, silence wrapped around me I heard . . . I played . . . but refused to speak words . . . within quietus I made up lovely stories and waited and the drums of times rolled on and I grew up time softens the pain_ and alone in an attic room- the seed of a poet grew louder (often, go to the cemetery in snow, rain, and sunshine) and wander the rows of headstones - thinking, pondering father taught me to love the forest and all of nature mother taught me to love flowers grandma gave me the gift and power of words grandpa was laughter slowly, death would visit me again and again . . . and take another beloved family member away even brother, a sweet baby who became a peace keeper, dead even my true love and child (why, I weep) even pets took a piece of my heart with them and each time I would retreat into a cocoon of silence to heal truth is, always been an introvert totally able to entertain myself never knew that would be a good thing to be never knew the ravaged garden of my life would become poetry never knew my stillness would bring me tranquility I must say my journey although an infinite crisis has led me to here and now exactly where I am meant to be I think . . . _______________________ December 27, 2020 Poetry/Free Verse/pondering my journey Copyright Protected, ID 12-1316-783-27 All Rights Reserved, 2020, Constance La France Written for the Standard contest, JUST THINKIN'....... sponsor, John Lawless, Judged 01/04/21 First Place _______________________ Submitted to the contest, Journey Without Movement sponsor, Unseeking Seeker, Judged 12/05/2022 Fifth Place