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Poem
I _ 
have been thinking and pondering my life so far
     as I meander back to sad places and faces 
the past is who I am today in truth
      beyond all the weather-stained years . . . I think
every life event
                    every scar on my soul
     every shadow that haunts my sleep
every dreg of past sorrow
      and every death 
has made me- ME 
         still see mother holding my little girl hand
                   and the blood soaked snow
                   and mother's shrieking will evermore haunt 
                   death caressed my hair that day
                   as he took my sister away
    I froze as safe, still, silence wrapped around me
                                I heard . . .
                                I played . . .
        but refused to speak words . . . 
within quietus I made up lovely stories and waited
and the drums of times rolled on and I grew up 
            time softens the pain_
and alone in an attic room- the seed of a poet grew louder
(often, go to the cemetery in snow, rain, and sunshine)
and wander the rows of headstones - thinking, pondering
father taught me to love the forest and all of nature
                         mother taught me to love  flowers
grandma gave me the gift and power of words
             grandpa was laughter
     slowly, death would visit me again and again  . . . 
         and take another beloved family member away
even brother, a sweet baby who became a peace keeper, dead
even my true love and child (why, I weep)
even pets took a piece of my heart with them
and each time I would retreat into a cocoon of silence to heal
truth is, always been an introvert totally able to entertain myself
           never knew that would be a good thing to be
           never knew the ravaged garden of my life would become poetry
           never knew my stillness would bring me tranquility
     I must say my journey although an infinite crisis 
                                 has led me to here and now
exactly where I am meant to be
I think . . . 

_______________________
December 27, 2020


Poetry/Free Verse/pondering my journey
Copyright Protected, ID 12-1316-783-27
All Rights Reserved, 2020, Constance La France

Written for the Standard contest, JUST THINKIN'.......
sponsor, John Lawless, Judged 01/04/21

First Place
_______________________

Submitted to the contest, Journey Without Movement
sponsor, Unseeking Seeker, Judged 12/05/2022

Fifth Place
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