Outrageous Shopping Cart Battle

Holy macaroni and cheese in a toaster, am I bored. This long line of people that are trying to pay for the dog food they want to use to make a meatloaf tonight is angering me. I thought of a genius method to reduce the number of people in line. I take out a knife and a bottle of soda. I slice off the top of the bottle below the cap because I still can't figure out how bottle caps work. Next, I dump one liter of soda on the guy in front of me, hoping he would go home. Instead of going home, he yells at me for no reason. I yell at him back while speaking gibberish. This only infuriates the guy further, even though it was his fault to begin with. He goes to the front of his shopping cart and clashes it against mine. The battle initiates now and it's nonsensical. We clash our shopping carts nineteen times. In the twentieth attempt, our carts crash so hard, we soar into the air. Our backs hit, and we fall into our respective shopping carts. Ten minutes of struggling later, we climb out of our carts and round two begins. Over in the stylish land of the clothing aisle, we hide behind shirts and pants. Any time we see each other, I throw pizza at him while he throws apple pies at me. One splat after another, we run out of food to throw. We retreat and come back with paintball gear and our shopping carts to start the third round. We hide behind our shopping carts and fire paintballs at each other. We somehow manage to hit each other with paintballs through the square holes on the carts we have. Rising up, we shoot more paintballs at each other without moving, until we both fall. Pizza, apple pies, and paintballs have flooded the store, but the fight isn't over. The angry guy and I get our shopping carts for the final clash. We are a thousand feet away from each other and comically glare. Giving our last raspberries, we charge at our maximum speed. Crashing our carts, we fly farther than last time. I land in the pizza aisle while he crashes into the electronics section. I'm glad to be the winner because he shouldn't have yelled at me in the first place. I walk over to where the unconscious angry guy is and draw silly doodles on his face with a marker. Forgetting why this battle started, I walk outside and head out towards the sunset with triumph. I may not know what's in the future, but any obstacle I face, I'll conquer it and live on onwards into the depths of peace.