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Out of the Frying Pan

On the day of his divorce He put a bet upon a horse And when it lost he bet again And then he walked home in the rain No-one asked, ‘How much d’ya lose?’ He didn’t wipe his muddy shoes And no-one moaned and no-one groaned And no-one said you shoulda phoned In the morning no-one said Don’t forget to make the bed Or asked him at the crack of dawn When you gonna mow the lawn He didn’t vacuum, didn’t dust And how he grinned when no-one fussed He never liked Do-It-Yourself But now he needn’t fix that shelf He got some food inside his belly Put his feet up, watched some telly Guessing it was getting late Grabbed a beer and called a mate His ‘Echo’ bought from Amazon He wondered if she’d left it on He said, Alexa, what time is it ‘She’ said… Time you washed up, fixed the fence and paid your mum a visit [Inspired by my recent purchase of an Amazon Echo and my accidental discovery that she does jokes. Try saying… Alexa, make me a sandwich (apparently it’s well documented on YouTube but I found out by pure chance)]

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Gershon Wolf

Date: 12/9/2021 5:23:00 PM

Pretty funny, Terry. But Alexa ruins everything, doesn't she? Worse than the first wife, eh?! :) gw

Terry Flood
Date: 12/9/2021 5:28:00 PM

It’s a weird thing, Gershon… but as a half-way intelligent human being, I get quite a kick every time Alexa says, ‘I’m sorry, I don’t know that one.’ I feel like I scored the winning goal. And yet she’s just a calculator with a voice. Terry

Lindsay Laurie

Date: 12/6/2021 7:46:00 PM

G'day Terry ... join the club of 'nobody cares any more' that is moving as quick as covid these days - thanks again Terry - Lindsay

John Lawless

Date: 12/6/2021 6:28:00 AM

...it all started when we first talked to the clown in the drive through line...

Terry Flood
Date: 12/7/2021 1:14:00 AM

Hi John, I have a teen weeny speech ‘thing’ (couldn’t really call it an impediment) which means I only roll my Rs if I make a conscious effort to do so. In normal speech, my Rs sound somewhere between an R and a W. Once I answered a telephone quiz where the answer was ‘Three’ and the robot on the phone kept asking me to say again. Annie walked in to find me ranting down the phone ‘THRWEE FU*KING THRWEE’. Either I or Alexa has improved as ‘she’ understands my every word. Terry

David Mchattie

Date: 12/5/2021 5:53:00 PM

Artificial intelligence is getting spooky. A fun romp indeed my friend. Have a great day.

Terry Flood
Date: 12/6/2021 1:06:00 AM

Thanks, David. A dangerous time when our appliances start talking back. Terry

David Kavanagh

Date: 12/5/2021 2:20:00 PM

Sounds like your Alexia has a much better sense of humour than my Siri, very curt and won’t answer at all if I’m looking for a joking response, maybe I’m asking the wrong questions, Terry Another excellent fun poem to add to your inimitable ensemble, cheers David

Terry Flood
Date: 12/5/2021 3:44:00 PM

Hi, David. ‘She won’t be half so funny when she learns to say ‘No’… or even worse… ‘Up yours, Bud’. That’s when we need to pull the plug. ;-) Terry

Ilene Bauer

Date: 12/5/2021 1:14:00 PM

so well done, terry! i love everything about this, from the title to the very last line. i always feel like i should thank alexa when she answers a question or sets a timer - it's very weird. (i only get to use her when i'm at my son's house.)

Terry Flood
Date: 12/5/2021 3:40:00 PM

Hi, Ilene, I reckon the next thing we humans will do will be to give ‘her’ a head and shoulders… just to prove that we can. Then it’s ‘Terminator: The Prequel’. Terry

Tom Cunningham

Date: 12/5/2021 1:09:00 PM

Lol we've had one for about a year now, they're the future I suppose. Had an argument when I asked her to play a song and she told me to sign up for amazon music, we'd had new credit cards and I'd forgotten to update it, my bad lol. We're friends again now. If you're signing up for music there's an expensive one and a cheaper one at £3.99. Every song I've asked her to play it's on there. Must try that sandwich one, Tom

Terry Flood
Date: 12/5/2021 2:50:00 PM

Thanks, Tom. I had literally set up Alexa that day. I was making Annie and I a sandwich and just for a laugh, I said, Alexa, make me a sandwich… and in her own way, she did!

P.S. Awtry

Date: 12/5/2021 12:33:00 PM

Enjoyed this limited exercise in liberty! That Alexa is watching! :D

Terry Flood
Date: 12/5/2021 12:49:00 PM

Thanks P.S. it’s a strange thing… Alexa was giving me a lengthy answer to a question so I said, Alexa, shut up. ‘She’ apologised and I actually felt guilty. How weird is that? Terry

Lin Lane

Date: 12/5/2021 12:22:00 PM

What a great witness to the joys of living alone. I am very happy on my own, for all the reasons you list and more. Fun read, Terry.

Terry Flood
Date: 12/5/2021 12:42:00 PM

Thank you Lin. The notion that Alexa actually is ‘watching’ doesn’t seem as far fetched as it might once have done. Terry

L Milton Hankins

Date: 12/5/2021 12:18:00 PM

Be careful with Alexa. One day I accidentally knocked mine off the table. I said, "Alexa, I'm so sorry!" She replied, "Oh, that's okay!" So, I'm thinking she hears all, knows all. (chuckling)

Terry Flood
Date: 12/5/2021 12:39:00 PM

Thanks, Milt. I wasn’t sure I’d use the Echo that much, but I’ve found it useful for music and switching through radio stations. Anne’s daughter asked Alexa to do fart noises and she duly obliged… Jan would be in hysterics. ;-) Terry

Lin Lane
Date: 12/5/2021 12:20:00 PM

OH!!! That is a titch scary, Milt.