November 15, 2016, 11:40 Pm

i pile pillows high on the left side of the bed hoping that in the morning you'll be there instead but when i finally wake and these pillows are deflated i'll lay back and think of all the things you've ever hated like how i push too hard and talk in riddles or make fun of myself for being too soft around the middle or perhaps when we would drive around the lake real late at night and whisper about our boring lives and how being together felt so right maybe about how you loathed when i threw fit after fit and you would drive away with a half hearted "see you in a bit" but most of all i'll think about when you would hold my hand and how even when we were apart i knew you were my man and even more i'll ponder on the romance you poured out to me, my heart, a man i have never more adored you used to laugh at all my jokes and smile at me in tender moments; with me ungrateful all the while. and when we were in public, on our feet or in your car, i will admit, my love, your affection has set the bar. from brand new lipstick to whole chocolate cake my heart is sure to be sore the moment that i wake because these pillows cannot compare to the heat of you against me and i'll forever mourn the sweet moments in your eyes during late night drives and melancholy meals in empty, abandoned, dugouts that were so dry i thought i could never understand how there could be such a place that lacked a vital necessity to life but now i am so intimate with the knowledge of what it's like to be deprived of something i never thought i could live without and somehow this whirlwind of emotions, this tumultuous sea of lifeless fault and fractured light, feels just like home when you aren't here and can be explained in so few words. i miss you.