Email Poem

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Poem

i pile pillows high
on the left side of the bed
hoping that in the morning
you'll be there instead 

but when i finally wake
and these pillows are deflated
i'll lay back and think
of all the things you've ever hated 

like how i push too hard 
and talk in riddles 
or make fun of myself for
being too soft around the middle

or perhaps when we would drive
around the lake real late at night
and whisper about our boring lives
and how being together felt so right

maybe about how you loathed 
when i threw fit after fit
and you would drive away with
a half hearted "see you in a bit" 

but most of all i'll think about
when you would hold my hand
and how even when we were apart
i knew you were my man

and even more i'll ponder
on the romance you poured
out to me, my heart,
a man i have never more adored

you used to laugh at
all my jokes and smile 
at me in tender moments;
with me ungrateful all the while.

and when we were in public,
on our feet or in your car,
i will admit, my love,
your affection has set the bar.

from brand new lipstick
to whole chocolate cake
my heart is sure to be sore
the moment that i wake

because these pillows
cannot compare to the
heat of you against me
and i'll forever mourn the
sweet moments in your eyes
during late night drives
and melancholy meals
in empty, abandoned, dugouts
that were so dry i thought
i could never understand
how there could be such
a place that lacked
a vital necessity to life
but now i am so intimate
with the knowledge of
what it's like to be deprived 
of something i never thought i 
could live without 
and somehow this whirlwind 
of emotions,
this tumultuous sea
of lifeless fault
and fractured light, 
feels just like home 
when you aren't here 
and can be explained in 
so few words. 

i miss you.

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