Not Really Knowing

Who know me best, Who know me, (me) When I fall in love I fall hard, or am I mistaken his love For candy on my eyes, for now, Or is this the real thing, I know the truth, Am I in total denial of wanting? Denial has a dark side: I have a past, of repeating, The same mistakes, Why can’t I see passed those brown eyes, The saddest part, he hasn't taken me to cloud nine Or touch my G spots, or glorify me, What is it about him, that make me thirsty? I cry so much last night, I cried Cry of loneliness, sexual deprivation, I even cry after sex, they called it the drowning in a sea of feel-good chemicals like oxytocin and dopamine, But it never happened, the done deal so why am I crying? I will blame this one on my booster shot, What the hell they injected into my body? I am seeing things in a different form of light. Or is my lack of trust? I cry even more, seeing his ringtone And refused to take the called, Just wanted him to reach for me instead, I wonder if he has any idea, of what he is Doing to me: I am a woman, I need to be touch. How can I overlook this jealousy? And focus, on me, and not on him Your needs are being met, I feel like I am pregnant, again, waiting For that little life inside of me to Come out and love me. Wholeheartedly.