My Idiom Oneliners Part 1

Elsie the cow was slower than molasses, that's why they finally decided to put her out to pasture. With Stormin' Norman around you'd tremble with fear, because all around him was lightning and thunder in the atmosphere. I try not to get into too much of a habit, of trying to figure out what nuns wear at the abbot. It doesn't matter to me if I get burned, especially since I'm ashes in an urn. Debby couldn't figure out why people's smiles would suddenly flounder, till one day her new nickname was Ms. Debby Downer. My dog is generally nice; his bark being much worse than his bite. After cleaning up the elephant poop, I finally admitted that my life was a zoo. Two's company and three's a crowd, but not after a polygamists vows. My stomach would almost always get into a knot, till I stopped being a contortionist. One hand always washes the other, especially if you always bathe with your lover. I almost always kill two birds with one stone, that is why they don't fly in pairs by my home. A penny saved is a penny earned, that's why I always have Dollar Tree money to burn. The early bird always catches the worm, I know because when I do I've seen them squirm. Money doesn't grow on trees, if it did then there would be no more leaves. I try not to wear my heart on my sleeve, especially if there's no tissues around and I have to sneeze. Well I guess its that time once again to hit the hay as I keep reminding the bales not to misbehave. I try not to cry over spilt almond milk, especially if its an off brand and not the expensive Silk. I want to remodel my kitchen I think, everything that is but the kitchen sink. They alway's claim that Elvis has left the building, then why do I always still see impersonators making a living. I walk around with a big chip on my shoulder, which is great because I sometimes forget to eat now that I'm older. And finally, I hope one day when I kick the bucket, that it'll travel far enough to go into the Guiness World Book of Records.