My Harsh Reality

I'm fighting so hard, my brain is literally in a battle. I want to do it so bad. I just want to feel that pain. I want all this to just go away. I feel numb and anxious at the same time. It's making me sick to my stomach. All day long it just won't stop. It's consuming my life. Should I just fall right back into that awful spot that i disgustingly long for? Or do I stay strong and take all of the terrible blows that my emotions keep enduring? And on that note, I'm in disbelief. This is Not Right.