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Ivory Tower-Y

DISCLAIMER: This is a tongue-in-cheek, sardonic critique of my own poetry from the perspective of a fictitious non poetry lover. This is not aimed at any of you wonderful Soup poets... please do not be offended! Tell me who has the time for a poem? If there's facts to know, I want to know 'em. You enjoy sounding Ivory Tower-y But I don't care for words super flowery. Your analogies and your hyperbole Like intense gnats annoy me disturbally I will catch all your facts as you throw 'em But I just don't have time for your poem. All astonishing alliterations Will arouse in me no titillations Your undue fascination with meter Is not shared by this philistine reader. Your iambic pentameter’s boring And induces in me rhythmic snoring You may claim it’s Shakespearean rhythm; But perhaps we should bury it with him! Your obtuse meta narrative's yet a bore Please remind again, what's your meta for? Your insipid attempts to use simile Are like choking on smoke from my chimile. Your pursuit of profound allegory Should be saved for your purple prose story But as I've said before, I've no time To be reading your 4-stanza rhyme. Should you give me a gift of a sonnet I’ll be scanning for pawn shops to pawn it Though you say if I tried hard, I'd love it What I'd love most is if you'd just shove it! Reading poetry takes too much work And I'm only a mid-level clerk. Your quatrains? I suggest you forego 'em 'Cause I just don't have time for your poem.

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Charles Messina

Date: 6/19/2020 6:59:00 AM

John, I absolutely love this. I laughed out loud you almost had me spill my coffee while sipping it (lol). Awesome write! Charlie

John Watt
Date: 9/29/2020 2:59:00 PM

Sorry about the coffee spill, my friend! Thanks for the uplifting comment ~ John

Michelle Faulkner

Date: 6/17/2020 10:51:00 PM

Happy to come back to this one, even if I don't have time to read it :) Congrats on your win, well deserved!

John Watt
Date: 6/17/2020 11:09:00 PM

Aha, I see what you did there, very clever! Thanks for the congrats, my poetic pal!

Sam Kauffman

Date: 6/17/2020 12:22:00 PM

Ahh, Ogden Nash emerges from the dugout! Clever, witty and, as Michelle puts it, wry - or is it rye? Oh well, whatever it is - congratulations on this masterpiece of humor! Gotta go to batting practice - smiling all the way - "cause I don't have time"

John Watt
Date: 6/18/2020 2:49:00 AM

Maybe "awry" is the word you are looking for? Thanks for getting my offbeat humor, Sam!

John Hamilton

Date: 6/17/2020 10:08:00 AM

I really enjoyed this one John, congrats on a great write and win! Hard to believe this got an N/A!

John Watt
Date: 6/18/2020 2:47:00 AM

Thanks for giving it a little late life nudge, John!

Michelle Faulkner

Date: 4/23/2020 10:47:00 PM

Thanks for recommending this, John - it's so spot-on wry and witty, my kind of poem:)

John Watt
Date: 4/23/2020 11:26:00 PM

I kind of thought you might like it - in the vein of "A Reverse Rant". Thanks for coming by.

Line Gauthier

Date: 3/12/2020 10:28:00 PM

Hard to believe anyone would pawn a gifted sonnet, John! Unfortunately, from your poem, we recognize all too well the hushed messages from some people in our lives who are less than supportive. They're not worth listening to.

John Watt
Date: 3/13/2020 12:08:00 AM

Great counsel, Line. And with all the supportive friends such as yourself here at Soup, we don't need to listen to the naysayers or the disinterested. We Are FAM-I-LY!

Gershon Wolf

Date: 1/21/2020 11:17:00 AM

You know, all kidding aside, "I just don't have time for your poem" is a great sounding board, at least for me, when attempting to write poetry. Keeps me on the straight and narrow! Thanks, John6DC

John Watt
Date: 1/21/2020 4:17:00 PM

Gershon, that's why I wrote this - to pursue humility and to be a mirror of truth as to why I am writing what I write. Is it to bless, to impress, or to express? Hopefully, it's the former or the latter. Thanks for the visit, friend ~ John

Gregory Richard Barden

Date: 1/20/2020 1:54:00 AM

So, am I offending others (or myself) if I say there is much truth to this? Oh, the sardonic commentaries I have hidden among the hedgerows of my home page listings, lol. I'll not say more, lest I discover how aptly this applies to ME. Great stuff, John - keep up the great work! ;o)

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 1/21/2020 4:47:00 AM

That's the wonderful thing about your honesty, John, I think most of us here are joined by understandings and struggles that we all take on each day and write about. I remember when I first came here I was so surprised that so many folks felt the same awful things that I did, lol ... we poets don't write so much about beauty as we do about being ... human! That's a GOOD thing, a very good thing, and that IS beauty. Blessings - I shall be back to this one repeatedly! :o)

John Watt
Date: 1/21/2020 2:33:00 AM

Appreciate the vote of confidence, Gregory. And no, this most certainly does not apply to you, nor was it intended for any other Soup poet. The finger in the mirror is pointing directly at my reflection...

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 1/16/2020 8:19:00 PM

I absolutely love this, John. SO witty this is!!! And the rhymes you can up with for 'poem" very clever. FAVE

John Watt
Date: 1/16/2020 10:58:00 PM

Thank you Andrea. I can only imagine how many faves you have accumulated over all your years on Soup. I'm honored by that, and blessed by your kind comment. Hugs ~ John