In Denial

When all else lays on eve’s mantle,
this heartbeat stirs,   awakening unto a flicker
of midnight-- and I observe if the early jay 
had returned from its chilled dwellings … Not
at this moment, not yet as thinning beams fade
while my heels race out; struck by gray of darkness.

Eventide bestows a time for pained outrage
when the discovery of loved ones’ sudden farewell
comes unforeseen, when ardent  dreams 
transform into hostility… and glimpses trace
a juggle of distant stars: my parents, 
my three brothers’ delicate frames

perhaps roaming through a heap of wiry leaves
as if crushed   riddled by
ingots on an embattled skyline    ...dawn
quickens    heading  eastward,
until child-like hands  fold in litanies of prayer
denying I had lost them entirely:

In the blue midnight, I wait,    wait for their
return in full knell from jay's anthem--
knowing the crypt of mortality terrifies
this vulnerable   abandoned being.

Am I now a real orphan,  life’s distraught survivor?

Tell me, dear fate...
because even the gods do not answer.



..................
1/03/2019
Caren Krutsinger’s My Loudest Feelings Contest
~ In honor of my brother who passed away last year~
Copyright © | Year Posted 2019

Poem

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Gondolf Avatar
January 9, 2019 at 2:13 PM
Nette, I can feel the deep emotion and your pain in this verse. I'm so sorry for your loss. John
Inman Avatar
January 6, 2019 at 9:52 AM
A beautiful, touching poem Nette.
Marcum Wong Avatar
January 5, 2019 at 10:21 PM
This is poignantly beautiful Nette. I am sorry for your loss. I hope this poem was cathartic for you. Congratulations on your win. Blessings xxoo
Gauthier Avatar
January 5, 2019 at 6:23 PM
I LOVE how you ended your poem, nette. Awesome. Congrats on your win.
Canerdy Avatar
January 5, 2019 at 5:24 PM
CONGRATULATIONS on your well-deserved win! Janice
Roper Avatar
January 5, 2019 at 10:14 AM
Congratulations on your win my dear.. Hugs Eve ~`*
Rodrigues Avatar
January 5, 2019 at 8:53 AM
Nette, encrypted lies your pain and sorrow...you make us feel your denial. You can say the words in the end but still the denial lingers. Well said on this very sad poem. Congrats!
One Avatar
January 5, 2019 at 7:16 AM
You are writing a lot of deep and sad poems recently.. This one touches the sad chambers of the heart..
Tacito Avatar
January 4, 2019 at 5:01 PM
Speechless, per usual. My heart to you & the family.
Cunningham Avatar
January 4, 2019 at 3:14 AM
Sadness captured well in your verse Nette so well composed. Good luck. Tom.
Sharp Avatar
January 4, 2019 at 12:30 AM
Deeply mournful and very beautifully written. May you find peace and rest in the darkest hours.
Nicole Avatar
January 3, 2019 at 10:24 PM
Even though I don't know what you are going through, I feel your heart in every word. I am so sorry for your loss. Many healing hugs my friend. ~ Brandy
Pandit Avatar
January 3, 2019 at 2:35 PM
Your feelings come through loud and clear..a heartfelt rendering still gripping grief..making one feel alone when even the God doesn't answer. A sad write..exactly how one reacts upon the loss of a loved one.
Sabre Avatar
January 3, 2019 at 2:31 PM
I was absorbed in the gripping nuances of your ponderings. Time heals love's demise. Pleased to see you on my wall. Thank you!
May Avatar
January 3, 2019 at 1:53 PM
Amazing write my friend 1st place is my vote, loss is never easy Nette but through your words and in your thought's they are still here, stay strong my friend! xo
Rose  Avatar
January 3, 2019 at 1:35 PM
Ah, I love that little last line that takes us to the beginning of our journey, the one when we must walk alone in remembrance of those that once were here. I hear you and feel your emotions Nette, Mom used to say the older you get the more friends you lose one by one. sigh. One day we too will join their loft of heavenly bliss. Love to you dear lady friend xo
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