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I'm Sorry Grams

I could sit here and tell you that I regret
          driving my sister to her tragic suicide,
          o, all the tears I would never have cried;
but one thing I could never forget, 
          is what I did to my grams before she died-
          causing a fight in my family (because I lied) 

an addict was I, even worse than before,
          anything for a fix and grasping that chase-
          longing for one more was my disgrace,
so, in desperation I went to grams’ drawer
          and stole what wasn’t mine in the first place; 
          for I knew not dependency I needed to erase

grams’ arthritic hands swelled at night, 
          just one doctor trip made her joints ache-
          thirteen years later, still my greatest mistake,
stealing from the greatest woman in sight; 
          sometimes recalling nightmares keep me awake,
          I just still can’t believe, from her, I would take…

if only I could go back to that November day,  
         before poor decisions turned to transgressions;
         this was a God taught lesson of selfish obsession, 
and I’ve asked grams for forgiveness when I pray-
         because of my she suffered a little depression,
         and as I write this, I feel remorseful regression 

what would be different if I had not betrayed
        my grams when her body was in the worst pain?
        I let her wither into dusk where secrets remain,
I never apologized, then her life began to fade-
        I feel like I allowed my guiding spirit to die in vain,
        I'm sorry grams...truly beautiful Lorraine

October 5, 2019
Sponsor: Silent One
If only we could turn back the hands of time Poetry Contest

Copyright © | Year Posted 2019

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Date: 10/17/2019 7:46:00 AM
Congrats Laura on a very touching deeply personal write. I commend you for having the courage to reveal your past, but it is past, all we can do is learn from it and help others, which you may have done with this write!
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Date: 10/15/2019 4:02:00 PM
Miss Lu, thank you for writing this. It brought back to my mind times that I failed terribly and that is a healing thing. I am an old guy and I promise you time heals all broken hearts. I am certain that my faith promises that we will see our loved ones again and what a happy reunion that will be! God bless you and yours.
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Date: 10/15/2019 10:19:00 AM
Congratulations on your placement in this contest my friend....
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Date: 10/15/2019 3:12:00 AM
I'm so happy this was a winner and knew it would be, too... Lots of congrats and bless you with love and prayers, Gina
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Date: 10/14/2019 12:34:00 PM
you cant blame yourself for your sister and you were in a bad place so you cant blame yourself for the other things... Congratulations on your placement in the contest..
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Date: 10/5/2019 9:44:00 PM
This is such a wonderful poem that I believe your grandmother knows about if she can see from heaven. I'm sorry for the pain and sorrow you've gone through. This poem will touch many hearts and should help another addict heal. God bless you always dear friend, Love and prayers, Gina
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Loo Avatar
Lu Loo
Date: 10/7/2019 5:10:00 AM
I hope she knows. My faith tells me she does. But that little devil on my shoulder can be a stinker! lol thank you so much sweet Gina :)-luloo
Date: 10/5/2019 7:36:00 PM
Thanks for sharing this soul-baring write, Luloo. Not an easy thing to do, so bravo for your bravery! We humans are imperfect; we all make mistakes, and God forgives us for those mistakes. I'm sure your Grandma forgave you, apology or not. Peace and love to you:-) xoxo
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Lu Loo
Date: 10/7/2019 5:09:00 AM
yes we do, and that is my biggest. I can't believe I wrote about it. I used to be so ashamed, then I found some peace of mind. I hope someone can relate to addiction. The need for more is so overpowering and intense. Thank you dear Edward :)-luloo
Date: 10/5/2019 7:12:00 PM
A heartbreaking write written with love and pain...all that makes us human. I know my dear nephew suffers likewise. <3 Kim
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Loo Avatar
Lu Loo
Date: 10/7/2019 5:07:00 AM
oh no, that's terrible. I've dealt with it first hand and also I was on the other side, a family member of an addict after I got sober. Thank you sweet Kim :)-luloo