If I Were a Comedian

If I were a comedian in this life, Today would have been my worst nightmare, With nothing funny happening on my way to writing this. The pigeons left me with an unmarked suit, My bus was on time, And so was I, All the youths gave up their seats for us oldies, Leaving me nothing to bleat about. I didn't pass anyone acting weird in the street, And I never overheard anyone telling a story even remotely funny, Nobody made rude comments to or about me, Nor were they dressed in anyway to make one laugh or cry. There was no rain cloud with my name on it, I could not find anything to trip over. My wife and kids would disown me if I cracked a joke at their expense, Besides they are all going through stages that are nothing to joke about, Euthanasia is no longer a joke, And Covid jokes are no longer funny. Of course if I was a comedian in this life, I would have several choice words up my spout, To set the tone for the evening, Most of them unprintable, That would bring me before a magistrate, If uttered off stage, Funny that. The question is? Should I envy those who have found a way, To make money by saying them on stage, Instead of being fined for using them off stage. Of course I could be wrong, And it is all in the delivery, And I am never drunk enough to enjoy the spectacle, Or never brave to say boo! Maybe that is why I am not a comedian in this life.