Susan Ashley Poet Free verse

Notes About The Poem

April 23, 2025

~ Second Place ~
Contest: April National Poetry Month
Sponsor: Daniel Henry Rodgers

~ First Place ~
Premiere Contest: Poetry Marathon Mile 25
Sponsor: Mark Toney

~ Ninth Place ~
Premiere Contest: Plagued By Memories
Sponsor: Ink Empress

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I Remember When I Prayed

not like a Christian, but like a victim.
I prayed like a woman afraid,
afraid I was the sacrifice to his vice. 

I would lie awake then.   I lie awake now

as my heartbeat hammers 
my breastbone like a blacksmith,
I remember…    I remember

in a pale cringe, I sniffled. My blood polka-dotted
a white floor that smeared an inkblot of me.
A split lip, half-wit tamed by the maim of his fist.

His madman’s magma buried me,
a lingual lava flow that hardened as it cooled. 
My sense of self turned to obsidian. I fractured. 
Tears slashed like shards. I bled self-esteem. 

He preyed on me 
as I prayed to him like he was a god. 
Please forgive me! It’s all my fault! On my knees
I was dead to myself. 
He split my skin. Stripped me to my bones.
His vulture needs     I remember. 

My emotional remains he savored,
flavored with backhands and vodka bottle bottoms.
I seethed in sour juices of moonshine abuses.
I counted moons and contusions. I counted
each stitch needled through my skin. 
My heart quilted with clichés;
I love you. I'm sorry. It'll never happen again. 
I seized my breath so's not to moan or implode.
As I exhale     I remember   

I fantasized of blasting him to the belly of Hell
when I’d usher vengeance inside our back door.
Reaper’s reckoning when this battered forget-me-not
shattered his bones with buck-shot scatter. Damn!
I’d have paid the devil for a jail cell to be free.

A candlelight-night bruised by cruiser lights:
I remember I prayed like a victim to 911.
Oh God! Please God! Help me! He's gonna kill me!
I pressed bleeding heart flowers between diary pages,
diary pages without words cried to be heard. 

Concussion dreams panic my pulse, dilate my eyes!
Oh, dreamless sleep, grant me deceased peace.
Until night hags of nightmares die

I will remember...

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Rob Carmack April 30, 2026 at 4:22 PM Sometimes, those wolves can get you to believe almost anything. Impressive write as usual with you. Some of my favorite lines; "Until night hags of nightmares die" and "I’d have paid the devil for a jail cell to be free" and "A candlelight-night bruised by cruiser lights". Congrats to you with placing in Daniel's contest. Susan Ashley May 23, 2026 at 9:00 AM Dear Rob, please accept my apologies for my late reply. I haven't been here at PS too much in the last few months due to a busy schedule. Thank you for sharing your deep insights, "those wolves can get you to believe almost anything." So true for too many. Thank you for your kind congrats and for sharing your treasured thoughts about abuse and your fav lines in my poem. I'm happy to know what resonated with you. Your empathy shines, my poet friend. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan

Sam Kauffman November 14, 2025 at 11:49 AM My Dearest Rhyme Time Friend, congratulations on this masterpiece that addresses physical and mental abuse from the standpoint of the abused not of a witness. Each line drips with pain like a "split lip" and the hopelessness of feeling stuck with few choices for resolution or safety. Thank you for this poem. It is masterfully crafted by your golden pen with images that explode off the page like a fist. I pray for the victims. Sending you prayers on peaceful, healing wings, sweet poetry sis. Susan Ashley November 21, 2025 at 7:23 PM My Dearest Rhyme Time Friend, it’s always a joy and an honor when your poetic presence graces my poem’s page. My heart aches for victims of domestic violence. It’s such a betrayal of love and trust. I wanted to give voice to those who suffer. Thank you, my sweet poetry sis, for your kind response to the plight of the abused. The beauty of your empathy shines from your golden heart. I join with you in prayer for the victims. Warmest wishes sent on wings of faith and friendship.. ~Susan

Dr. Padmashree R P November 14, 2025 at 1:34 AM Congralutations on your winning. Experienced cycle of pain. Very deep. Susan Ashley November 15, 2025 at 8:15 AM Dear Padmashree, I appreciate your gracious visit and kind congrats. Thank you for sharing in the imagery and emotions of this poem with me. My heart bleeds for women (and children) who suffer abuse at the hands of someone they loved and trusted. I feel the beauty of your empathy in your tender words. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan

Unseeking Seeker November 13, 2025 at 6:27 AM Very relevant, considering domestic abuse is rampant and unfortunately victims don’t speak up. I’m happy to see this fictional write as a winner. Susan Ashley November 15, 2025 at 8:05 AM Dear US, thank you for your gracious visit and kind response to my poem. Unfortunately, victims of domestic violence are forced, subjugated into silence to survive, often they are forced to protect the abuser, especially when they lack support of family, but especially the courts and the police who could effectively intervene if the system didn't often fail the victims. Even when they manage to get away and obtain restraining orders, the paper the order is written on is useless against the rage and violence that can still be inflicted upon a victim. The most dangerous time for victims of domestic violence is when they try to get help and leave the abuser. We always hope the victim can figure it out and rise above the pain in a system not designed to get to the root of the problem.. the victim is not at fault. Your poetic presence is always appreciated, my friend. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan

Kim Rodrigues November 9, 2025 at 5:14 AM Fantastic write! Digs into the pain, suffering, frustration, and all. What it does not do is humanize the abuser. Who do we care about…the abused. No matter the abuse, minute or long, it is not forgotten. Congrats on a noteworthy win, Susan! Fave Susan Ashley November 15, 2025 at 7:26 AM Dear Kim, indeed, the abuse is not forgotten. Victims of domestic abuse need our empathy and understanding of the physical, mental and emotional oppression, pain and cruelty they endure and live with, where any kind of escape is made nearly impossible in these tragic situations. Thank you for sharing in the emotions of this poem with me. Your empathy shines like a candle in the dark. Your kind congrats are appreciated and i am honored by your fave. Warmest wishes, my poet friend.. ~Susan

Ann Peck November 8, 2025 at 12:09 PM I just found your poem, Susan. I'm so very saddened that you lived this horror, hoping he would change...but they never do. My heart breaks for you, dear one. Susan Ashley November 15, 2025 at 7:20 AM Dearest Ann, soulful and gifted poet, thank you for your precious thoughts and for sharing in the emotions and imagery of this poem about a battered woman. Thank God, this piece is not autobiographical. But there are many who suffer everyday in the cycle of domestic violence. The beauty of your empathy shines in your tender voice, my sweet poet friend. Thank you for your poetry friendship.. I admire you so. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan

Beata Agustin November 5, 2025 at 7:55 PM Congrats! Thanks for sharing this... another masterpiece from your poetic soul and spirit... God bless you, my poetry mentor. Susan Ashley November 7, 2025 at 5:40 PM Dear Beata, I’m humbled and honored by your precious thoughts and kind congrats. Thank you my dear poetry friend. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan

Andrea Dietrich November 2, 2025 at 9:55 PM Wow this is off the charts crazy good and such a well deserved win. Congrats and a fave (I see I commented on it just half a year ago. A wonder I didn't fave it back then,) Susan Ashley November 4, 2025 at 7:22 AM Dear Andrea, I delight in your return visit with your kind congrats and I'm honored to receive your fave. Thank you for sharing your inspiring thoughts, they are treasured. Warmest wishes, my poet friend.. ~Susan

Karen Jones November 2, 2025 at 3:03 PM Congratulations on your top trophy win Susan! Karen Jones November 2, 2025 at 8:05 PM You’re so welcome Susan Ashley November 2, 2025 at 4:02 PM Dear Karen, it’s wonderful to see you! Thank you for visiting with your kind congrats. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan

Maclawrence Famuyiwa November 2, 2025 at 8:49 AM This truly worths being so highly rewarded. You have written this into a great poem that will stand the test of time. Susan Ashley November 2, 2025 at 4:04 PM Dear Maclawrence, thank you for your heartwarming comments. They are treasured. It’s wonderful to receive your gracious visit. Warmest wishes, dear poet.. ~Susan

Valsa George November 2, 2025 at 2:37 AM Dear Susan, back to your poem with huge Congratulations on your prestigious trophy win in the Marathon mile contest and for being the voice of the voiceless women who are tortured and manhandled by those who should actually be their guardians. I know many women who bleed their self esteem not once, but on a daily basis after the drunken bouts of their husbands. But l can't write like you. Susan you are specially gifted. Thank God for your special gift. Susan Ashley November 2, 2025 at 4:13 PM Dearest Valsa, soulful and gifted poet, I am deeply touched and truly honored by your heartwarming words of congrats. Thank you for your precious thoughts and for sharing in the emotions and imagery of this poem about a battered woman. Indeed, there are many who suffer everyday in the cycle of domestic violence. The beauty of your empathy shines in your enlightened voice, my sweet poet friend. Thank you for your poetry friendship.. I admire you so. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan

Mark Toney November 1, 2025 at 12:05 PM Susan, your poignant “Prayer” is not out of reverence but out of desperation seeking deliverance from domestic violence and spiritual trauma. Your poem takes us from panic to fury and finally deliverance with “I remember” three times to the final “I will remember..” A Fav poem for me. Congratulations on your trophy win on Mile 25 of my 2025 Poetry Marathon Contest. Keep your running shoes on, because Mile 26 has already started. Only 1 mile to go before the Qualifiers’ Final Placement contest! Susan Ashley November 2, 2025 at 10:57 AM Dear Mark, indeed, one's prayer can come from many perspectives and circumstances. Thank you for sharing in the emotions and imagery of this poem with me. Your enlightened comments and heartwarming congrats are treasured. I'm honored by both my poem's placement in your contest and by your fav! Thank you, once again, dear poet. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan

Ray Zottola September 20, 2025 at 11:51 AM The victim is on my mind. A sad story to tell or to know. Powerfully spoken! Z Susan Ashley September 20, 2025 at 3:28 PM Dear Ray, it’s wonderful to see you! Indeed, domestic violence, and its aftermath for the victim, is always sad. Hopefully, victims can rise above the pain. Thank you for the compassionate spirit of your comments. Your thoughts are held in my truest appreciation. Warmest wishes, my poet friend.. ~Susan

Lyric Man May 26, 2025 at 2:46 PM I loved your Black-Eyed Susan write! Your piece is raw, visceral, and unforgettable—a scorching purge of trauma and rage wrapped in unrelenting, poetic ferocity. The imagery is vivid and brutal, almost too much to bear—and that’s what gives it its power. It doesn’t blink. It doesn’t flinch… just like you, Susan! I’ve missed you girl. I’m back on the dance floor and I’m asking you now, please save me a dance.. or two! Susan Ashley June 7, 2025 at 10:04 AM Thank you for your additional comments, Lyric Man. I just read your poem "Echoes Of The Broken" and was deeply touched by your compassionate, reflective, urgent call to action from each and every one of us. A breathtaking piece! Thank you for your kind words, I am humbled and honored to know I was a small part of your inspiration for this heart-aching but heart-opening poem. Your golden pen spills revelations that reverberate... Lyric Man May 31, 2025 at 8:48 AM Sweet Susan.. for many years I worked overseas in more than a dozen countries serving the most vulnerable in our world. You were my inspiration to write a new poem entitled, "Echos Of The Broken". Hoping we become fast friends united in our love for the "least of these" and our love of poetry! Susan Ashley May 28, 2025 at 7:15 AM Dear Lyric Man, it's wonderful to see you! I relish your fervent response to my poem. Thank you for sharing in the imagery and emotions of this piece with me. Your time spent with my words is truly appreciated. My heart bleeds for women (and children) who suffer abuse at the hands of someone they loved and trusted. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan

Richard Evans May 11, 2025 at 11:30 AM Wow. Such raw emotion. Incredible verse. God Bless you dear friend and thanks for sharing....................peace! Susan Ashley May 18, 2025 at 8:00 AM Dear Richard, my wonderful poet friend, thank you for sharing in the emotions of this poem with me. I'm both honored and humbled by your expressive response to this piece. It's great to see you! Warmest wishes my inspiring friend.. ~Susan

Zyrool Gifford April 30, 2025 at 5:44 PM Hello Susan, this is brilliantly written and very touching. I hope and pray it’s your wonderfully creative mind at work and that you are sharing it with us. Sending blessings your way my friend. Susan Ashley May 3, 2025 at 9:19 AM Dear Zyrool, my soulful poet friend, it is indeed my creative mind at work. Fortunately, this poem is not about me, I'm blessed to have a wonderful husband, but my pen bleeds for those women who suffer heart-wrenching abuse at the hands of someone they loved and trusted. I embrace both your beautiful poetic spirit and kind visit. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan

Jennifer Proxenos April 30, 2025 at 11:46 AM Hi dearest Susan, a frightful horrible character and such apt wishes you had, which he richly deserved me thinks, that he should go to hell, a man who abused you, who shattered your bones and left you wishing death would enfold you, what a life! AN EXCEPTIONAL write, penned with passion and awesome imagery. I am amazed at your poetic wealth which I remain in awe of. Hugs, love and blessings, Jenny. Susan Ashley May 3, 2025 at 9:16 AM Dearest Jennifer, my soul sister and wonderful poet friend, thank you for sharing in the imagery and emotion of this poem with me. The golden light of your empathy shines like the May sun in a blue sky. Your thoughts are cherished. Fortunately, this poem is not about me, I'm blessed to have a wonderful husband, but my pen bleeds for those women who suffer heart-wrenching abuse at the hands of someone they loved and trusted. Your gracious visit and kindness is embraced with my appreciation, dear sis. Warmest wishes, love and hugs sent to you on rays of sunshine.. ~Susan

Gershon Wolf April 27, 2025 at 9:35 PM I read the first paragraph and shuddered. After the second, I muttered. And with the third, I stuttered, 'Wh-wh-wh-a-t-t-t- hap-p-p-p-p-p-ened--d-d-d-d- to that sw-sw-sw-swee-ee-ee-eet-t-t-t-t S-s-s-s-s-u-s-s-s-an Ash-sh-sh-shley I once knew? ~ Utterly Overcome and Gershunied to Wolfishness Susan Ashley May 1, 2025 at 12:01 PM Dear Gershon, of course! You are the epitome of good fun! :) I'm delighted by your wonderful and smile-full comments. I can write about the dark side when I frown and scowl and try real hard.. hehe! So glad my poem had you shuddering, muttering and stuttering! haha! Thank you, my dear poet friend. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan Gershon Wolf April 27, 2025 at 9:36 PM All in g-g-g-g-ood f-f-f-f-fun, of course. Keep Smiling, Gershon

Andrea Dietrich April 26, 2025 at 9:28 PM Back with my congrats to a very talented poet. Susan Ashley May 1, 2025 at 12:04 PM Aww, thank you, dear Andrea, for your return visit. I'm honored and humbled to receive your kind words. Both your congrats and comments are heartwarming and appreciated. Warmest wishes, my poet friend.. ~Susan

Hilda Greenhough April 26, 2025 at 2:36 PM Thank you for this verse. Nothing can be worse than the calculated brutality that is inflicted. Susan Ashley May 1, 2025 at 12:15 PM Dear Hilda, my sweet poet friend, thank you for sharing in the emotions and imagery of this piece with me, which for too many women is a brutal, heart-wrenching reality. Your thoughts are precious. Fortunately, this poem is not about me, I'm blessed to have a wonderful husband, but my pen bleeds for those women who suffer abuse at the hands of someone they loved and trusted. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan

Beata Agustin April 25, 2025 at 11:59 PM Congrats! Thanks for sharing this, and for sharing your talent. God bless you. Susan Ashley May 1, 2025 at 12:05 PM Dear Beata, both your gracious visit and words of congrats are uplifting and truly appreciated. Thank you and warmest wishes, my poet friend.. ~Susan

Valsa George April 25, 2025 at 9:05 PM "my soul a weeping blistered sore my heart a gangrene amputee pus-green-memories rupture to plague me"..... Wow... ! What emotional depth! What torment....! I take the poem to be fictional or did you really pass through such harassing experiences... ? After reading this, I feel that your poetry is a gift God has specially bestowed on you to forget your past. Amazing poem, dear Susan. I wonder how I could gain a place with you in the contest! Susan Ashley May 1, 2025 at 12:11 PM Dearest Valsa, soulful poet friend, thank you for sharing in the pain and torment of this poem with me. Your comments fill me with such joy as the power and beauty of your empathy shines in your words. Truly, I am humbled and honored by your precious thoughts. Fortunately, this poem is not about me, I'm blessed to have a loving husband, but it does represent a brutal and heart-wrenching reality for too many women around the world. Thank you, my sweet friend, I appreciate your golden presence gracing my poem and my heart. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan

Paige Hind April 25, 2025 at 5:48 PM "black-eyed Susan pressed between diary pages" simply beautiful, you have my condolences that you went through all this, your writing is amazing <3 Susan Ashley April 26, 2025 at 8:56 AM Dear Paige, my soulful poet friend, thank you for pointing out the "black-eyed Susan verse" and for sharing in the emotions and imagery of this poem with me. Your concern for me is deeply moving, but for me, this is a piece of fiction (thank God). But for many women this poem represents a brutal and horrifying reality. Your kindness and lovely comments are truly appreciated. Warmest wishes my inspiring friend.. ~Susan

Frederic Parker April 25, 2025 at 12:25 PM dear poet, dear friend, pretty powerful poem you have here I trust it was creative, I hate to think it wasn't...congratulations...Frederic Susan Ashley April 26, 2025 at 8:50 AM Frederic, dear friend, dear poet, thank you for sharing in the emotions and imagery of this poem with me. Indeed, this was creative.. for me this is a piece of fiction (thank God) but for many women this poem represents a brutal and horrifying reality. Your kindness and friendship is truly appreciated. it's a wonderful honor to share the podium with, my dear friend. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan

I Am Anaya April 25, 2025 at 11:23 AM Susan, I'll begin here with this stunning metaphor “candlelight nights bruised by cruiser lights black-eyed Susan pressed between diary pages concussion dreams panic my pulse and dilate my eyes....” looking at the beautiful yellow daisy with the black center as the beautiful protagonist--the abused woman, just took my breath away, what a clever thought! How does she rid of the trauma forced upon, memories are forever. I felt her sorrow! Congratulations on your win poetess~ Sunshine wishes Susan Ashley April 26, 2025 at 10:19 AM Dear Anaya, I cherish your gracious visit and revel in the beauty of your deep empathy for the abused protagonist in my poem. Thank you for sharing in the emotions and imagery of this piece with me, which for too many women is a brutal, heart-wrenching reality. Indeed, "memories are forever." We both "felt her sorrow!". Your congrats warm my heart like the spring sun. Warmest wishes my sweet friend.. ~Susan

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