I Have To Say Something Tol Get Over Myself

i huff and puff life just happened this way right? more confused more upset coincidence has never really been my friend moved too fast my own worst friend voices in my head say they are amazed voices in my head ask complicated questions not even sure why im soo upset need to get over myself if only i was working if only i trusted the doctor suffering, i think thats all there is nightmares to wake from in cold sweats trust issues with everyone and everything if life is a test maybe i failed and this is my punishment not sure if it will ever end i dont see the point in getting out of bed but i cant sleep so live the nightmare instead fearful would be an awareness tired of hating myself feel like ive been torn out of my own body and replaced with the torture of my mind whatever it is it must admit its not too good to me bargaining myself to run away to some other safer place to find the illusion of there is no such thing the past haunts me with my own broken heart can't trust myself with my own best interest there seems to be no remedy more upset by being wrong rubbing you the wrong way its like carrying the weight of the world its broken heart the way it harms itself in hopes to shelter it while losing sight of who needs a hell when everyday thats all there is can't see my own future but accept i might be in it trying to figure out how to succesfully live in the midst of my mental riot mental anguish all day denial or bargaining not sure trying hard to believe whatever you say as if its gonna take me to a better place and my confused logic looking for the exit shaken by an army of overwhelming proof I have nothing else to do but pine over my failures cause even though i try success only comes from underachieving your goal whatever goal my subconcious has stringing me along