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Poem

i huff and puff
life just happened this way
right?
more confused
more upset
coincidence has never really been my friend

moved too fast
my own worst friend

voices in my head say they are amazed
voices in my head ask complicated questions
not even sure why im soo upset

need to get over myself
if only i was working
if only i trusted the doctor

suffering, i think thats all there is

nightmares to wake from in cold sweats
trust issues with everyone and everything

if life is a test
maybe i failed and this is my punishment
not sure if it will ever end

i dont see the point in getting out of bed
but i cant sleep so live the nightmare instead
fearful would be an awareness
tired of hating myself

feel like ive been torn out of my own body
and replaced with the torture of my mind

whatever it is
it must admit its not too good to me
bargaining myself to run away
to some other safer place
to find the illusion of there is no such thing

the past haunts me
with my own broken heart
can't trust myself with my own best interest

there seems to be no remedy
more upset by being wrong
rubbing you the wrong way

its like carrying the weight of the world
its broken heart
the way it harms itself
in hopes to shelter it
while losing sight of who needs a hell
when everyday thats all there is

can't see my own future
but accept i might be in it
trying to figure out how to succesfully live
in the midst of my mental riot

mental anguish all day
denial or bargaining
not sure
trying hard to believe
whatever you say
as if its gonna take me to a better place
and my confused logic looking for the exit
shaken by an army of overwhelming proof

I have nothing else to do
but pine over my failures
cause even though i try
success only comes from underachieving your goal
whatever goal my subconcious has
stringing me along

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