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How To get a Dame

The time has come to inform my boy and pass along the flame. The secret of a mystery solved on how to get a dame. 'Your looks are key as they set the tone if you intend to flirt. Chicks will sigh and their knees grow weak when in your muscle shirt. Inhibitions gone, they may faint when showing off your guns. Give them room as they may fall when flexing both your buns. There are many ways to achieve the goal and meet the fairer sex. One sure way that never fails... is to talk about you Ex. Go on and on how you love her still and extol your broken heart. Of good times past, of great things done, she was a work of art. Peak her interest and speak of the virtue of the life you led. But most of all... her interests lie in how she was in bed. Another way is to take her places you've never been before. Like galleries, the opera and the dentist you abhor. You could try cooking if money's tight when strapped by alimony. What woman living? Would not be pleased with a cold plate of beefaroni. Still not enough and she's unconvinced that you might be the guy. When she turns to flee, the stage is set and the time has come to lie. You tell her now of things you've done as an Alpha Male. Of flying jets and curing cancer but not your time in jail. If you're shy, just hide that fact and avoid acting too polite. Just drink too much as most chicks dig a drunk man in a fight. She will start to swoon as her eyes grow big, it's time you played your hand. The simple fact remains... you forgot to say that you're a singer in a band. These are time honored ways by men who know... of things a little shady. But the results have merit and your chances good of picking up a lady.' My boy takes a pause as he begins to say, 'I think you should atone. This may explain why to this day, you're still living all alone.' The End *For those interested. I will be posting my cartoon 'Bob's your Uncle' on my homepage. A new one will appear every second day.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2019




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Date: 4/19/2019 3:04:00 AM
This is such sound advice, and weirdly enough, some will follow it to the letter, not understanding it is satire, at her best!
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David McHattie
Date: 4/19/2019 2:56:00 PM
Reminds me of a country western bar. Thanks Caren.
Date: 4/18/2019 3:51:00 PM
I am thinking his son is so handsome he wants him to fail because he is jealous. Great advice for a guy trying to get rid of a blind date they never want to see again. Lol. The fact that you wrote this tells me you know exactly how to treat a lady and she would be lucky. Loved the humor David! : )
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David McHattie
Date: 4/19/2019 2:56:00 PM
The fact that I'm still alive. Says it all. Have a great day.
Date: 4/18/2019 10:31:00 AM
Hi David, Your last line says it all - mixing fantasy and fiction works - your poem is really funny, and clever! Poetry hugs, Jennifer.
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David McHattie
Date: 4/19/2019 2:55:00 PM
Thanks Jennifer. Have a great day.
Date: 4/17/2019 10:21:00 AM
Loved the poem. All of us go about the sexual barnyard in different ways. You kill me,))) Panagiota No script for the Barnyard,I say. Shake your tail feathers, as they say or don't. You know what works for you.
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David McHattie
Date: 4/19/2019 2:54:00 PM
We're all different in some way or another. If something makes you happy, go for it. Have a great day.
Date: 4/17/2019 2:39:00 AM
Oops I was common speaking not realizing that by saying, "David this is the sh:×." Would bump me off So anyesy, about the real world, another amazing one David. The story line is cool; the wording is great; but I, just I myself, couldn't relate to the macho pick up a dame when I truly know that it's the brsin jajaja. Great read as always David.
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David McHattie
Date: 4/19/2019 2:52:00 PM
Thanks Jeff.
Date: 4/16/2019 11:18:00 PM
G'day David … it's great to act like a rooster when in fact a feather duster is more to the point. Still in all, I reckon I've known plenty of blokes who fit the bill (but not the one in the mirror) - thanks Mate; great - Lindsay
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David McHattie
Date: 4/19/2019 2:51:00 PM
The heart wants what the heart wants. Have a great day.
Date: 4/16/2019 6:13:00 PM
Ha!! Ha!! I do think one might want to change their whole life to be a better man as it was said in the movie, "Something Has Got To Give". Thanks for dropping by. Your comments were uplifting. Sara
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David McHattie
Date: 4/16/2019 8:59:00 PM
Thanks Sara. Enjoyed your poem.
Date: 4/16/2019 4:53:00 PM
well, coming from the expert, all guys must try your strategies, david... so funny!...huggs
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David McHattie
Date: 4/16/2019 5:00:00 PM
I'm not sure if this is fantasy or reality or some strange mixture of the two. Stay frosty my friend.
Date: 4/16/2019 1:20:00 PM
a wonderfully delightful poem, david! i enjoyed the sly humor and, of course, the perfect rhyme!
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David McHattie
Date: 4/16/2019 4:58:00 PM
Thank you for the very kind words. Have a great day.