How To Get a Dame
The time has come to inform my boy
and pass along the flame.
The secret of a mystery solved
on how to get a dame.
'Your looks are key as they set the tone
if you intend to flirt.
Chicks will sigh and their knees grow weak
when in your muscle shirt.
Inhibitions gone, they may faint
when showing off your guns.
Give them room as they may fall
when flexing both your buns.
There are many ways to achieve the goal
and meet the fairer sex.
One sure way that never fails...
is to talk about you Ex.
Go on and on how you love her still
and extol your broken heart.
Of good times past, of great things done,
she was a work of art.
Peak her interest and speak of the virtue
of the life you led.
But most of all... her interests lie
in how she was in bed.
Another way is to take her places
you've never been before.
Like galleries, the opera
and the dentist you abhor.
You could try cooking if money's tight
when strapped by alimony.
What woman living? Would not be pleased
with a cold plate of beefaroni.
Still not enough and she's unconvinced
that you might be the guy.
When she turns to flee, the stage is set
and the time has come to lie.
You tell her now of things you've done
as an Alpha Male.
Of flying jets and curing cancer
but not your time in jail.
If you're shy, just hide that fact
and avoid acting too polite.
Just drink too much as most chicks dig
a drunk man in a fight.
She will start to swoon as her eyes grow big,
it's time you played your hand.
The simple fact remains... you forgot to say
that you're a singer in a band.
These are time honored ways by men
who know... of things a little shady.
But the results have merit and your chances good
of picking up a lady.'
My boy takes a pause as he begins to say,
'I think you should atone.
This may explain why to this day,
you're still living all alone.'
The End
*For those interested. I will be posting my cartoon 'Bob's your Uncle' on my homepage. A new one will appear every second day.
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