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The time has come to inform my boy
    and pass along the flame.
The secret of a mystery solved 
    on how to get a dame.
'Your looks are key as they set the tone 
    if you intend to flirt.
Chicks will sigh and their knees grow weak 
    when in your muscle shirt.

Inhibitions gone, they may faint 
    when showing off your guns.
Give them room as they may fall 
    when flexing both your buns.
There are many ways to achieve the goal 
    and meet the fairer sex.
One sure way that never fails... 
    is to talk about you Ex.

Go on and on how you love her still 
    and extol your broken heart.
Of good times past, of great things done, 
    she was a work of art.
Peak her interest and speak of the virtue 
    of the life you led.
But most of all... her interests lie 
    in how she was in bed.

Another way is to take her places 
    you've never been before.
Like galleries, the opera 
    and the dentist you abhor.
You could try cooking if money's tight 
    when strapped by alimony.
What woman living? Would not be pleased 
    with a cold plate of beefaroni.

Still not enough and she's unconvinced 
    that you might be the guy.
When she turns to flee, the stage is set 
    and the time has come to lie.
You tell her now of things you've done 
    as an Alpha Male.
Of flying jets and curing cancer 
    but not your time in jail.

If you're shy, just hide that fact 
    and avoid acting too polite.
Just drink too much as most chicks dig
    a drunk man in a fight.
She will start to swoon as her eyes grow big, 
    it's time you played your hand.
The simple fact remains... you forgot to say
    that you're a singer in a band.

These are time honored ways by men 
    who know... of things a little shady.
But the results have merit and your chances good 
    of picking up a lady.'
My boy takes a pause as he begins to say,
     'I think you should atone.
This may explain why to this day, 
    you're still living all alone.'

                    The End

*For those interested. I will be posting my cartoon 'Bob's your Uncle' on my homepage. A new one will appear every second day.
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