Half-Orphan
Mother died
the day you were born
With tears of joy
in her eyes,
her last breath was womb torn
A forty year journey ending prematurely
Your first breaths of life,
tiny infant cries,
were swaddled in innocence
Yet to experience the vast vale of guilt tears,
which would come
hereafter, every year ...
Happy birthday sadness
Blue wails,
which would often plunge you
into a depression deep
Fathomless waves of a murky,
sad birth memory
Father wept trembling,
when he tightly held you tenderly in his bosom
Looking at his true and new love ...
one dead one alive
His soul was split asunder
That day, his spirit never wholly recovered;
and shortly thereafter,
it died as well
And his buried sorrow
would revive,
from time to time,
when he caressed your joyous smile ...
Such youthful, unbridled happiness
Thru you seeing his beloved radiance
in her dying,
last glowing moment again,
was always very heart-wrenching
I loved you, my dear sister,
the first time I beheld you
Tho’ your three-day-old home welcoming
was a sad happy occasion,
I rejoiced at how God’s grace
gave Mother the strength to carry you
into this world
Over these many years,
I’ve patiently
tried to understand the terrible pain
you’ve borne since birth
A burden of the heart,
much too heavy for me to ever know
I cried often too,
on those bittersweet birthday celebrations —
Joyous laughter mixed with solemn tears;
sad, wet grief of stolen maternal moments,
snatched by your struggling survival grasp
Gradually, I’ve come to realize the meaning
of being half-orphan
I now admire your ferocious womb tenacity
So, as the anguished years
have slowly worn down your umbilical resistance ...
your longing desire
to be in Mother’s missed embrace
has forty-fold increased mightily
Let this be your year of guilt release
As your brother,
and sibling half-orphan sufferer,
I appeal to you, my beloved sister —
to look thru Mother’s dying eyes,
and gain precious life-giving understanding
Her undying love for you, Bev have deep roots,
everyday it grows and grows within you
Embrace this branching love,
which Mother’s tears of joy
showers upon you anew
Sacrificing herself,
so that you could breathe long for two:
Your son and you —
a begat double blessing
Mother's unwrapped womb choice
is the rarest most beautiful birthday gift,
these loving eyes ever knew
Copyright © Freddie Robinson Jr. | Year Posted 2018
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