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Half-Orphan
Mother died the day you were born With tears of joy in her eyes, her last breath was womb torn A forty year journey ending prematurely Your first breaths of life, tiny infant cries, were swaddled in innocence Yet to experience the vast vale of guilt tears, which would come hereafter, every year ... Happy birthday sadness Blue wails, which would often plunge you into a depression deep Fathomless waves of a murky, sad birth memory Father wept trembling, when he tightly held you tenderly in his bosom Looking at his true and new love ... one dead one alive His soul was split asunder That day, his spirit never wholly recovered; and shortly thereafter, it died as well And his buried sorrow would revive, from time to time, when he caressed your joyous smile ... Such youthful, unbridled happiness Thru you seeing his beloved radiance in her dying, last glowing moment again, was always very heart-wrenching I loved you, my dear sister, the first time I beheld you Tho’ your three-day-old home welcoming was a sad happy occasion, I rejoiced at how God’s grace gave Mother the strength to carry you into this world Over these many years, I’ve patiently tried to understand the terrible pain you’ve borne since birth A burden of the heart, much too heavy for me to ever know I cried often too, on those bittersweet birthday celebrations — Joyous laughter mixed with solemn tears; sad, wet grief of stolen maternal moments, snatched by your struggling survival grasp Gradually, I’ve come to realize the meaning of being half-orphan I now admire your ferocious womb tenacity So, as the anguished years have slowly worn down your umbilical resistance ... your longing desire to be in Mother’s missed embrace has forty-fold increased mightily Let this be your year of guilt release As your brother, and sibling half-orphan sufferer, I appeal to you, my beloved sister — to look thru Mother’s dying eyes, and gain precious life-giving understanding Her undying love for you, Bev have deep roots, everyday it grows and grows within you Embrace this branching love, which Mother’s tears of joy showers upon you anew Sacrificing herself, so that you could breathe long for two: Your son and you — a begat double blessing Mother's unwrapped womb choice is the rarest most beautiful birthday gift, these loving eyes ever knew
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Book: Reflection on the Important Things