Keith D Trestrail Poet Lyric

Notes About The Poem

For those of you unfamiliar with golf terminolgy a shank is a mishit where the ball shoots off to the side. A preferred lie is a rule that allows you lift, clean and replace your ball without penalty in adverse weather conditions. Your handicap is a measure of a player's ability designed to make it fairer for all. Tee off is the first shot taken on each hole. Links is an old-fashioned name for a golf course. A drive is your tee shot at the start of every hole using a driver (your biggest club). A birdie is one under par, and a bogey is one over par. By the way par is the predetermined number of strokes required to complete a hole. The 19th hole is the bar in the clubhouse after you have finished your round.

Listen to poem:

Golf Widows

The swing of this royal and ancient game
          gets in your blood and under your skin,
but invites in men’s hearts a peaceful aim
   till you shank and your head starts to spin.

I am hooked, addicted to the flag green,
                 and no golf widow will my fix deny -
no finer joy with pants on has there been
     but take my wife before my clubs or die!

   There is no greater handicap in life
     than a teed-off nonplaying wife.
   She who snidely thinks
             to call us the "missing links".
     I love you both but I declare
   to my widow who mourns me I swear
     I drive the fairway or the highway!

Now all you golf junkies repeat after me
           I shall not hit and miss, swear or kick,
lest soon that birdie become a bogey
  and your putter become a broken stick.

A cruel game for sadists and man-boys
          where a preferred lie is sometimes true,
and new graphite, titanium and steel toys
           vex the woman but what am I to do?

   There is no greater handicap in life
     than a teed-off nonplaying wife.
   She who snidely thinks
             to call us the "missing links".
     I love you both but I declare
   to my widow who mourns me I swear
     I drive the fairway or the highway!

I love its sexy curves, doglegs and roll
       in fatal attraction of grounds and course,
I play my best on the long nineteenth hole
  but in my house that’s grounds for divorce.

I am hooked, addicted to the flag green,
                and no golf widow will my fix deny -
no finer joy with pants on has there been
     but take my wife before my clubs or die!

   There is no greater handicap in life
     than a teed-off nonplaying wife.
   She who snidely thinks
             to call us the "missing links".
     I love you both but I declare
   to my widow who mourns me I swear
     I drive the fairway or the highway!


          Written: September 2004

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Craig Cornish July 10, 2026 at 4:29 AM A fun and clever write Keith Keith D Trestrail July 10, 2026 at 4:43 AM Cheers Craig, I haven’t played for some time but I am still married so there’s that. Next time you’re on the tee I’ll be there with you in spirit.