Gift To Myself
I spin, faster and faster…
losing control, I am a propeller rising.
Once, you were my mystery to solve,
my gift to unwrap -
my challenge, my highest vista to climb.
You lifted me to your private skies.
Spread out before me on red-winged flights,
eradicated stars came back to life,
painted iridescent by your own two hands.
What could only be crayoned by inferior men.
All aglow, the universe circled my head -
round and round till the dizziness came,
infatuation only to blame.
I spin…slower, rhythmic, scraping.
I am a pinwheel on softest breeze,
memories fleeting.
With a crystal crown of constellations,
you adorned my flowing hair –
locks spun golden, locks I loosened for you.
I became a glowing body for you to orbit,
a fiery flood of sunlight traveling,
Venus gifted in violet dusk,
auroras of ribbon braided…
I spin…slanting, lower, on tip-toes.
I am a ballerina with an audience of one.
I watched you watch me in light of all things.
I wanted to be center of your universe…
rings of Saturn encircled you and I.
Mercury’s fire blazed through what was us.
Blue-silver splattered moons orbited our sleep.
I kissed the moon rock I named after you.
I kissed you and only you until dawn slipped
between the warmth of our linen sheets.
I caught you in my arms time after time,
clouds dappled with your eyes floated by…
doting, they released scintillating showers
upon a wilting flower.
When it was time for you to catch me,
you were gone…taking with you part of me.
I fell hard…back to earth, stained crimson, star-struck.
Forever is a long time to chase
shooting stars through echoing space.
I trusted you, trusted only you, trusted you with me.
I rusted, no protection from your harsh elements.
We all come back to reality of a spinning earth…
we rise or fall, move or hide, heed the call or lie.
We come to the self-sharpened point of swim or die.
Time rushes by…
I sat next to you, held your hand,
feeling like my own miraculous sky,
regaining my identity…
while you read your own vanity.
I spoke of the poem I wrote for you another day.
“Yeah, yeah…Aha”, you whispered, my words
dismissed, a foreign language never understood.
Space and time altered our skies;
below, your lies became our demise.
Our footprints disappeared before my eyes.
In my own miraculous sky, I have slowed my pace,
aware of my mistakes, my fear, my grace.
I embrace beauty, peace, tears I've cried, the ride…
Dawn came early this new day, I drove away,
weaved around a pothole, almost crashed.
The gravel road rattled my faith.
I started to spin again…disoriented, I faltered,
but I never turned back.
I wonder if I avoided my own catastrophe,
saved face, or a little of both…
I remember how I asked you
about the meaning of love.
You turned away,
admiring your reflection that day,
your own genius you’d say.
I planted my feet, met your eyes, then marched away.
Head held high, you dimmed under a starlit sky.
I searched myself and found the brightest star…
it led me home.
The best gift I could give to myself.
Now, I brush my fingers lightly across
a constellation on high…
Pegasus, I think.
Only to realize, it’s reflection
mottles in a rippling puddle below...
beauty awakened by my grounded feet.
4/11/15
Copyright © Rhonda Johnson-Saunders | Year Posted 2015
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