Four in '99

I was four when I partied like it was 1999. Didn’t know what Y2K meant— thought it was a new kind of Ribena. Mom said the world might end, so we had fish fingers and Angel Delight like it was our last supper. She danced in the kitchen— hip in one hand, remote in the other— Prince on the telly, sky outside grey as school uniform. She said, “If the world’s going to blow, we might as well boogie.” So I did— in jelly sandals, on sticky lino, thinking bombs were just what happened in cartoons. The grown-ups were worried about computers— I was worried about monsters under the bed. Same thing, really. I built bunkers from sofa cushions. Told my teddies we’d be safe. Asked Mom if I could stay up ‘til midnight to see the sky explode. She let me— even though it didn’t. Instead, we counted down with paper hats, party poppers, and a bowl of Wotsits big enough to survive the apocalypse. Prince said life was a party. Mom made it gospel— taught me the sacredness of silliness. She sang with her eyes closed, as if she could out-sing war. As if dancing could un-plug the world’s doom switch. And maybe it could. There was a lion in her pocket too— fierce in her softness, roaring through a tinny tape deck. She had a knowing in her sway, like she understood what purple skies meant long before I did. Now I’m older, and every headline feels like a countdown. Still, I keep Ribena in the fridge for emergencies. Still, I dance— barefoot on carpet, arms full of invisible glitter, like I’m four again and nothing bad can touch me while the music plays. If the world ends again, I’ll dance. I’ll think of Mom. I’ll play that song— loud enough to shake the windows and remind the sky that we were here, dancing, as if forever still mattered.