Enduring Part Two of Illness Journey Poems

*** ENDURING *** (A Part Two about my recent illness, following “Lunacy Loo Flies.” Fear Stepped into the holes of my weakness To impede my pace to recovery, Absorbing the basic radiant light — My going forth walk had previously always carried Since early childhood when chronic illness first struck, but Good humor with hope and dreams were all well founded within. Fear Forced its gray presence, Its present and powerful soot-grimed hideaways to Seep out from around the corners Of the alleyways edging the blue—windowed skyscrappers of the city, until I felt robbed of all my strength and resolution. I thought I felt shame in those hours, doubting the strength of my faith — Because somehow I was letting fear encroach over my spirit, But my faith was not the missing diamond. No. And God has the hold of my soul with the name of Jesus weilding its power… Not me at all. I’d lost grasp of the circuiting edging of my self And my mind, with even my heart desperatex for loving company, but When friends came, I did not recognize them. I was wrapped. A body restrained In a bed, being urged to eat to live; to calm my uncharacteristic anger And to stop hurting others, who were trying to help me. Not even sensing my own spirit’s inner struggle to endure — so Apparent in my past illnesseses,but this time the general anesthesia Was taking a longer, greater toll, thieving most of my identity And nearly all of my drive to survive. To note fear — in my physical nearness to death — the fear wasn’t About the dying, not about ”going home again” to our Lord, It was a biblically seen conflict Of heaven’s cosmic warring of the enemies of God against our Most glorious Father — enemies so apt To attack souls with deepening faith— as children of God — The Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I would lean into the hope of my soul, pulling around me The still air of the hospital room, ,in which I lay as quietly As I could with the pain, while asking Christ to help me find myself And my courage through heaven re-born ~ And praying then almost continuously for Christ’s mercy ~ Until sleep overwhelmed With its blessed peace Wherein the blessings of heaven will keep respnding To grace, to lift, to free from loss and fear. The bleak trials of fighting more than enduring the adversities, Even with gladness of heart Through every anguishing pain to accomlish anything from Sitting up ro reaching over for my cup of water, Were all given to pleading, praising prayer, As I lay in the hands of St. Michael’s guarding, St. Raphael’s healing aid, and our Holy Father’s answering I could, I would continue to wait upon the Lord to Continue the walking work of my life’s meaning alongside Him. Alleluia! ———————————————————————————————————————————————————- (c) sally young eslinger 5/1-5/7/2023 poem & art Drawing, “Mirrored Identity”