Calamities

Does life exist between calamities or does it exist between parameters lucky or bot, sight or hearing visible or non-existent, circumstances or inferiority a complex we don't understand nor leaves us standing How much longer will these afflictions persist how much longer will I suffer the pleasantries of my subtle demise How much will I crave the dark yet step out of my own alignment and cross to the other side Look at my history, my heroes they all fall second best in their endeavor villain in appearance or rage against the machine in rebellion, in anger in source of a power unable to obtain to feel something than useless to feel anything Mimicry, that's all I am pure mimicry admiring people better than me yet strive to be better than them so I can stand proudly next to them tell myself there's a place I finally belong but I stand nowhere I have no place so I am just lost in space somewhere in deep outer space I just don't belong here not on Earth, not at home I've been back and forth between here and nowhere and everytime I've returned I lose something but I was able to get it back My ability to adapt is superhuman but I can't adapt to this I was a loser last I stayed forever but I was a loser with friends a loser with the world on my shoulders, on my back, on the horizon I was going to seize it all make it my oyster while turning my own small universe into a pearl I was 12 and young, I had a chance I'm 20 now, still young dead in a grave I've yet to dig I'm broken with too many labels for the culprits that broke me and I can't find the right glue, the right tape, the right adhesive to piece myself back together My options are limited, resources unavailable while I plan my own suffocating release just in a quick daydream like somehow saying supernova would calm my suicidal desires like somehow the feel of my insides burning like the dying sun would lift my oppression erase the boulder upon my feet so I'd find my way to Venus throw my phone upon Mercury suffocate on the fumes while observing the mystery of the sun as if it would show me the mystery of an an omnipotence paradox but I'd just laugh as my eyes flicker to dust and my hands just recede to bone and my knees snap off the hinges I've seen too much wrote my list of complaints to vigorously ran too much for my own good Scientists, search a question for me please are there bird of prey in space if not send a crow to me at least 5 for the year I was born have them blend in with the night just so I have a personal escort into a warm worm hole into another galaxy 16 Earths Could one of them be a home for me or do I need another Venus to suffocate upon