There's only two people in your life you should lie to...the police and your girlfriend.
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Oh, fuck you! Fuck you, pal! There you go again trying to pass the buck. I'm the source of all your misery. Who closed the store to play hockey? Who closed the store to go to a wake? Who tried to win back his ex girlfriend without even discussing how he felt about it with his present girlfriend? 'I'm not even supposed to be here today.' You sound like an asshole! Jesus, nobody twisted your arm to be here today. You're here under your own volition. You like to think that the weight of the world rests on Dante's shoulders. Like this place would fall apart if Dante wasn't here. Christ, you overcompensate for what's basically a monkey's job. You push fucking buttons. Anybody can just waltz in here and do our jobs. You're so obsessed with making it seem so much more epic and important than it really is. You work at a convenience store, Dante! And badly, I might add! I work at a shitty video store, badly as well. That guy Jay's got it right, man. He's got no delusions about what he does. Us, we like to think that we're so much more advanced than the people that come in here everyday to buy paper, or, god forbid, cigarettes. Well, if we're so fucking advanced, what are we doing working here?
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As a little kid I had a girlfriend, and her boyfriend used to beat me up, so then I used to sing these songs, and that's what it's all about. Country music is all about your heart and your people and things like that.
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Mitch True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend...
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Merrill Morgan, this crop stuff is just about a bunch of nerds who never had a girlfriend their whole lives. They're like thirty now. They make up secret codes and analyze Greek mythology and make secret societies where other guys who never had girlfriends can join in. They do stupid crap like this to feel special. It's a scam. Nerds were doin' it twenty five years ago and new nerds are doing it again.
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep well?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.' by Steven Wright
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I had a girlfriend once, but then she changed her screenname...
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Whenever I get dumped (by a girlfriend), I nail the door shut so that no one can come inside, get a towel and clip it around my neck so it's like a Superman cape, take off my shoes so I can slide across the room, and... get a fake mic, like a celery stick or a pen, and I play any record that features the vocalist Ronnie James Dio. And you can just pretend you're Dio, because on every album he does, he has minimum one, usually three, 'EVIL WOMAN LOOK OUT!' songs.
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While you are away, movie stars are taking your women. Robert Redford is dating your girlfriend, Tom Selleck is kissing your lady, Bart Simpson is making love to your wife.
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Happy You know my girlfriend is dead. She fell off a cliff and died on impact.
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My girlfriend claims that her last boyfriend was a better kisser than me and I have to admit, he is pretty good.
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True love is hard to find. Sometimes you think you have true love, and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego, and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blinfolded, like a goddamn magic show, ready to doubleteam your girlfriend.
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A Code of Honor-never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief as your goal. There are just too many women in the world to justify that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she's really attractive.
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FECK: I had a girlfriend once. I loved her. And I killed her. SAMSON: I killed my girlfriend, too. FECK: Did you love her? SAMSON: She was okay.
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Eat your spinach and you'll grow up big and strong like Popeye. You'll also end up with a girlfriend that looks like Olive Oyl.
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I don't know if it's how I speak or what it is about me that presents that sort of label, but I don't know how many times I have to be out in public with a girlfriend to stop that from being said.
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Well, a girlfriend once told me never to fight with anybody you don't love.
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Appearance is something you should definitely consider when you're going out. Have your girlfriend clip your nails or something like that.
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A woman who takes things from a man is called a girlfriend, a man who takes things from a woman is called a gigolo.
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Beauty magazines make my girlfriend feel ugly.
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I'd do more than sell my soul to the devil, Haruka; I'd burn in hell for eternity, as long as you are in Heaven.
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My girlfriend sleeps in a queen-sized bed and I sleep in a court jester-sized bed.
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Life is like a game of cards. If you don't have a partner, you better have a good hand.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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Having a girlfriend is like a game you got to play and play untill you score.
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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I almost had a pyschic girlfriend, but she left me before we met
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Save water- shower with you girlfriend.
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