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Famous Steven Wright Quotations

Best famous Steven Wright quotations. Find, read, and share the best famous quotations by Steven Wright. These are the most popular quotations and best examples of quotes by Steven Wright.

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Quote Left If God dropped acid, would he see people? Quote Right
Quote Left A friend of mine once sent me a postcard with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, Wish you were here. Quote Right
Quote Left Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. Quote Right
Quote Left You can't have everything. Where would you put it? Quote Right
Quote Left Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. Quote Right
Quote Left If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer? Quote Right
Quote Left When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep well?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.' by Steven Wright Quote Right
Quote Left I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. Quote Right
Quote Left Curiousity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect Quote Right
Quote Left I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car. Quote Right
Quote Left Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. Quote Right
Quote Left I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. Quote Right
Quote Left Curiosity killed the cat, but for awhile I was a suspect. Quote Right
Quote Left I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out. Quote Right
Quote Left Black holes are where God divided by zero Quote Right
Quote Left Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!' Quote Right
Quote Left Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it. Quote Right
Quote Left I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. Funny Quote Right
Quote Left Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night. Quote Right
Quote Left I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.' Quote Right
Quote Left For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. Quote Right
Quote Left Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? Quote Right
Quote Left At one point he decided enough was enough. Quote Right
Quote Left I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it. Quote Right
Quote Left In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number. Quote Right
Quote Left I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. Quote Right
Quote Left Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. Funny Quote Right
Quote Left Cross-country skiing is great if you live in a small country. Quote Right
Quote Left I hate it when my leg falls sleep in the middle of the day, because that means it'll be up all night Quote Right
Quote Left My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. Quote Right
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