Poetry Forum

michealsjones - all messages by user

10/15/2017 12:20:03 PM
High Critique of Dried Wax	Hi Cameron Leslie, I like the sentiment of this poem, the metaphor for a love affair of a candle's flame burning hot and bright till the fuel subsides leaving only the dried and flaky wax. But I think it would be a more effective and original if you just used some alternate words or phrasing. A thesaurus is a useful tool. For instance: The flame's aglow; the wick will burn Light warms the room so one will turn Toward the blaze that shines so bright It calms the soul this torrid night Just a gentle suggestion. Thanks for asking for constructive criticism. I hope it helps.
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10/15/2017 12:20:03 PM

Hi Cameron Leslie,
I like the sentiment of this poem, the metaphor for a love affair of a candle's flame burning hot and bright till the fuel subsides leaving only the dried and flaky wax. But I think it would be a more effective and original if you just used some alternate words or phrasing. A thesaurus is a useful tool. For instance:

The flame's aglow; the wick will burn
Light warms the room so one will turn
Toward the blaze that shines so bright
It calms the soul this torrid night

Just a gentle suggestion. Thanks for asking for constructive criticism. I hope it helps.

pages: 1