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PoetScum - all messages by user

7/28/2017 4:55:53 AM
I see a girl	Hello, all. The situation here is usual. I'm a noob wrote something and want to know where my poem stand. Too cliche? Fixable? Something else? Thanks you, for your time. I See a Girl I see a girl, somewhere… the gym. Or the street. Or some place I chill. Attractive? Yes, she’s my type and I see her gazing all the damn time. The thing to do next is simple. Come close, say “hello”. Ask her out. No reason for more. But I still Quit, before I ever approach ’er. The time then comes, after some… months. I decide to pursue (my) desire. And I find out, it’s not that tough. While the girl answers me with quiet… “I’m sorry…” ——— edited by PoetScum on 7/28/2017
7/28/2017 12:19:13 PM
You and me, we are energy	Gabe wrote: You and me, we are energy; — I'd cut "we" The dust from stars That created us and planets as Mars. And when we die it's okay to cry –— for some reason I really want to put "there's no need to cry" instead of ”it's okay to cry" Since we may then just become energy again; —I'd cut "just" That doesn't have a mind and is unrefined, —"That does not have a mind, It's unrefined," Having no soul as it goes into a Black Hole —”Having no soul, going straight to a black hole." I like it. It's a funny piece.
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