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7/28/2017 4:55:53 AM Arnie Bee Posts: 2	Hello, all. The situation here is usual. I'm a noob wrote something and want to know where my poem stand. Too cliche? Fixable? Something else? Thanks you, for your time. I See a Girl I see a girl, somewhere… the gym. Or the street. Or some place I chill. Attractive? Yes, she’s my type and I see her gazing all the damn time. The thing to do next is simple. Come close, say “hello”. Ask her out. No reason for more. But I still Quit, before I ever approach ’er. The time then comes, after some… months. I decide to pursue (my) desire. And I find out, it’s not that tough. While the girl answers me with quiet… “I’m sorry…” ——— edited by PoetScum on 7/28/2017
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9/5/2017 2:25:55 PM Jack Webster Posts: 255	your voice has a very grounded, straightforward, realworld quality. i think that's very strong. the emotion in your poem is very restrained and not overtly sentimental, nor is it stated explicitly. i think that's very strong. you allow the scene to be what it is instead of trying to sugar it up or make it over the top or larger than life. i think that confidence in the human experience to speak for itself is very strong. i like that the poem has an arc, the character discovers something/ changes. i love how this change coincides with the emotional climax of the poem, and love even more that the discovery of confidence occurs in the midst of not getting what he wants. i think this idea that we can meet life on its terms and still grow and be whole (instead of recoil from life when disappointed) is a very powerful poetic thought that affirms life and has the potential to truly give something valuable to the reader. i feel like it needs to be developed more, but I'm not sure how. i don't think the poem needs to be changed conceptually, nor do i think the voice needs to change, but i wish the volume was just a click or two higher (but maintaining the subtle, not saying it overtly). well done.
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