Poetry Forum

IcyTowel - all messages by user

10/4/2013 10:54:42 PM
Heavy Footsteps	I'm fairly new to poetry and i'd really appreciate it if you guys could give any type of feedback, advice, comments, opinions, criticisms etc. Our idle breath hung onto the air Matching Water's glassy stare As the birds songs' giddy notes Danced beneath their throats Beneath dancing rays a collected daze He greeted the pond's lazy gaze Our glued eyes slowly climbing Gradual lingering through heartbeats timing A brew of brown sporadic spots Milky eyes still lit with thoughts An emerald underside sparkles clearer The lily pad peers a collective mirror Our eyes imploring, wanting more Stretching our legs towards the shore The trees vigilant, a wary gaze As we stumble through nature's maze A warning ripple with something to say Cautious eyes yearning for another day Our steps too steep break the quiet That's all it takes for nature's riot And with one last deepening breath The frog leaps into nature's depths Now she holds her secrets down below We're not sure if she'll let them go Thanks for any input! Tom
10/11/2013 10:47:40 AM
Heavy Footsteps	Thank you, the compliments mean a lot! I'll practice and work on flow and rhythm and hopefully improve this piece. Thanks again Tom
pages: 1