Poetry Forum

S.E. Burch - all messages by user

4/5/2011 8:46:55 AM
Save Me Thanks for any critique you can offer	This reads like a song - do you consider it lyrics or a poem? Also, I didn't know the person you wanted to save you was God until the 4th stanza. I was imagining a lover, or ex. I like the lines "Breathe hope into my lungs/Stop the demons from speaking in tongue."
4/26/2011 9:54:02 AM
Old Man	"bother" died or brother died? Maybe breaking it up into stanzas would help readability. I don't like the continuous questions - maybe just one or two? I'm also not sure - is he getting a letter telling him his brother is dead? Because I'm confused when you say "your pendulum stpped by my own hands." That implies the old man's involvement. And one more thing, I think you should end your poem with the line that ends with "goodbyes." Just my 2 cents.
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