Poetry Forum

linux99 - all messages by user

10/4/2023 8:46:55 AM
Seeking knowledge	Came here after doing a couple of online Poetry courses. Will be adding work for critique. Pretty much ego free at this point and wanting to go from a 3 to a 5 or 6 (on a scale of 10) by putting stuff out there and listening to people. edited by linux99 on 10/4/2023
10/5/2023 11:51:40 AM
Can you give me your thoughts on this	Does the use of archaic language (thee, thou) add or detract here? It's got some good imagery - but I find the archaisms distracting. I'm not sure repeating the word "heart" works - too big a context switch between the two uses. edited by linux99 on 10/5/2023
10/27/2023 7:05:45 AM
Poem on the being cold while homeless	This is great! If you want critique perhaps try posting it in one of the two specialist critique areas of the forums? People are likely to be more forthcoming ing there. For starters try passing this through the "syllable counter" tool on the site. Do you have a metre in mind as you read the words put loud? This will guide your sentence structure for you.
10/27/2023 7:09:04 AM
Why, and who are you writing for	My prose is less well defined and precise than I would like. Poetry is the art of carefully chosen words. By working on my poems I hope to develop better overall writing skills and, for the moment, writing is how I earn my living.
11/4/2023 6:34:47 AM
Jerks	Syllable counter shows: 8 6 10 7 7 7 7 6 An uneven count at the start followed by a repeating block of 7 hints to me that you could get a stronger poem by settling on a basic metre and then sticking with it more strictly. You have avoided the perfect rhyme souls / goals for the assonance of souls / goal - is that deliberate? You can change the sentence to match reasonably easily - albeit at the penalty of inserting a word or two at the start to keep the rhythm the same.
11/5/2023 8:19:18 AM
Jerks	Bob_Atkinson wrote: Thanks Tom for your learned response. I'm not so much into form as function. This taught to me by Charles Baudelaire and Oliver Goldsmith. Form? Pretty much irrelevant in my book. Function? Theme's gotta have a universal point & initiate further research, or thought, about the subject. Most of my poems, such as this one written in APA Style, with links to the encyclopedia articles on the subject. Simplistic, trite theme? Notsogood Cheers.... Bob Wasn't Goldsmith's most famous poetic work (The Deserted Village) strict Iambic Pentameter with an AABBCC rhyming couplets pattern? I'm not sure that his lesson is that you need to jettison form to cover a serious topic. [edit] Or do you mean the later (and lesser) Canadian poet of the same name? Again seems to use very structured metre and rhyme pattern in his more successful works. edited by linux99 on 11/5/2023
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