Poetry Forum

JoeB - all messages by user

9/8/2019 8:37:41 PM
Burdened No More	Hello, I'm new to writing and hopefully I can get some feedback to help get better. I suffer with PTSD and found that writing had helped clear my mind. The day was filled with a sense of sorrow and regret, Confused by the daily tasks that outweighed my decisions. I pushed forward to an event I would never forget, An event that would haunt me for years and out of my control. The smell of the dry desert and sounds of heavy vehicles as they prepared for the mission, Exposing a country to centuries old traditions to modern warfare, My feelings no longer exist. The start of the march, anticipation and fear of the unknown, Expect the unexpected and prepare for the next order. How exciting that must sound, yet anxiety has more control, A normal patrol as we all expect becomes the unexpected. We have now made the usual approach and greeted by our daily hosts, Only this day the hosts became the unexpected. Greeted with the usual innocence of cheers and laughter and gifts of chocolate, My foreign children brightened the day. Behind the joyous laughter hid pain, Pain that latches on like a parasite. Engulfed with so much hate and anger it shows itself, Innocence cut with hate, pain, and anger from a single blade, The cut was fast and unexpected. My feelings returned instantly but numb to the situation, How do I respond? What just happened? Am I dreaming? My foreign child is gone! From hate, innocence was destroyed, And the mission, yes, the mission remained first priority. Years of struggling, holding myself accountable for HATE and PAIN actions, Was it my fault? Why did I allow it to happen? Haunting and stressing on my soul until one sleepless night, A soft voice whispered in my ear, “Stress no more” “Rejoice my memory, for this is Not Your Burden to Bear”.
9/8/2019 10:13:25 PM
Burdened No More	Thank you so much for the detailed feedback and yes, it's a personal experience. With your feedback I can definitely go deeper and express a lot more from the draft. Wasn't sure what direction nor format to use. Thanks again!
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