I feel trapped; hopelessly, despondently, irrationally trapped. Trapped inside my aching Mind that is so mired in illness and constant confusion; vexing vacillation and paradoxical dichotomies; confounded by capriciousness and damaged by depression. Yes, I feel trapped inside an unfit Mind.
I feel ensnared in my own body, which feels like an antique that belies my age of 34. Tangled, I am, in my own physical pain, which never ceases, for which I must take so much medication to even function. My feet are mangled that every step I take is like walking barefoot over sharp, jagged stones. Also, I am knotted by my own considerable weight, which has ballooned in the past 5 years since the accident, and due to my issues with mobility. Yes, I feel trapped and confined inside this ailing body.
I am captured in a dead-end partnership in which I feel stifled and frustrated. But being a co-dependent creature by nature, I cannot, or I should say, will not leave unless I absolutely must. I feel audaciously lulled into staying for the age-old marital reason of "the kids"; I stay because of the kids, which are my babies and could not bear the thought of abandoning. Yes, I count 2 dogs and 3 cats as children (scoff if you will). Yes, I am trapped in a bad marriage.
In this tiny, rural hamlet in the Appalachian Mountains, I feel netted, though not rooted; my "home" will always be where I grew up, further west in a more metropolitan area, where most of my friends and family live. Although "hillbillies" abound in all parts of Ky, they are especially degenerative in this arm pit of the state for some reason. They are back wood and especially repulsive and there are few signs of intelligent, seemingly sentient life to be found. Yes, I feel suffocated and trapped in this God-awful place.
My addictions also hold me hostage and torment and torture me relentlessly, and I am subsequently bound by "Stockholm Syndrome". I am plagued by my own vicious vices which tempt me perpetually, and to which I always inevitably acquiesce. I am lured by their Siren-like seduction, and I cannot resist when I hear their song. And my own body harasses me for the chemicals if I do not provide them. It turns against me and bedevils me until I have supplied "the fix". Yes, I feel powerless and trapped by these interminable afflictions, addictions and vices, with no hope of escape.
By the melancholy that resides in my Heart and Soul I am eternally hounded. This pervasive woe which so often renders me sick inside is sometimes too much to bear. I am to be saturated in sorrow for the rest of my days. In my youth was the only time I was truly happy, and now I am becoming enmeshed in age, resulting in my ever-growing misanthropy, cynicism and jaded character. Yes, I feel trapped by this unending sadness.
Time, by its very nature, is a slave-master, either providing too much or too little; there's rarely ever any in-between for me. It lashes and whips at my heels, ordering me to either hurry up or slow down. It is cruel and depriving, but also kind and giving, but in the end, Time is truly the fire in which we all burn. Yes, I feel trapped in tumultuous Time.
End of Pity-Party.