I think that, in order for me to grow as a poet, I need to know and understand just as much about what’s wrong with a poem as much as what’s right with it. Everyone wants glowing reviews and to know they’ve written a good piece, but I (bizarre as it may sound) want to know what doesn’t work within a piece. I get many views on my poems, but get far fewer comments in ratio to the amount of people who have read my work, and I wish I could ask those readers, the ones that read my work but did not give a review, why- what was it about the poem that made you uninterested in leaving a comment or review? Was it too weird or difficult to understand? Did you not identify or
relate to the subject matter? Did you simply not like it?
I have come to the conclusion that my poetry does not have a universal appeal. I write from my Soul, and many of its contents are dark, gloomy, brooding, melancholy and intricate, which are conveyed in my work. Many similar themes repeat throughout my pieces, also: love, anger, pursuit of peace of mind, worry, grief, sorrow, loss of way and confusion, addiction, mental illness and the search for Truth. Perhaps I recycle these ideas too often and they are too present and pervasive. I also have ZERO range as a poet. I primarily write in rhyme, because that is what comes naturally to me and I shy away from all non-rhyme genres because of my aversion to them. Rhyme is the only form that excites my Soul and mind; the only style the stirs and moves me. As I have
stated previously, it seems like non-rhyming styles are more preferred in today’s world and I feel like I would have to abandon my aesthetic and adopt non-rhyming styles in order to be more accepted. I fear I would have to start writing about the majesty of trees and nature or expound about Jesus or write odes to my grandmother in order to have a more universal appeal, which is just not something I have within me to do.
I write organically: the lines and verses are born the way they are born, and they take form and shape in whichever direction they come out. I never sit down and intentionally say to myself, “Now, this piece must contain some blank verse and prose properties”; that’s not the way my creative process works. I’ve had it pointed out to me that some of what I am labeling as “rhyme” actually contains elements of “free-verse” or “blank verse”, etc. and I do not view it that way: technicalities aside, I only look at my work as “rhyme” or “non-rhyme”, because I am a black and white thinker. Before joining The
Soup, I had only heard of a handful of the forms from which we may choose to label our posts. I’ll be the first to admit I am largely ignorant of what truly comprises a “free-verse”, “diminished hexaverse”, “verse” or ”blank verse” poem, nor am I terribly interested in learning in order to be 100% correct with my labels. This may make me a poetic fool, but as Anton LaVey once quipped, “A fool who knows he is a fool is indeed a wise man!”
It’s at times like these when I really begin to second-guess myself; when I truly start questioning my potential- my abilities, capabilities and creativity as a poet. I believe in the depths of my heart and Soul that I am good at what I do and that this is my calling in life: to be a poet, but largely feel so misunderstood as an artist. I honestly wish that my audience, in a polite and constructive way, would tell me just as much about what doesn’t work for them in my pieces as much as what does. So I am taking this opportunity to implore any and all of my readers to let me know why you don’t like something or why something doesn’t work for you; it will help me grow as an artist to know and understand why. I know it sounds like an odd request, but in the long run, I think it will help me. Instead of reading and not commenting, please at least say, “I don’t get this, sorry.”
These lingering feelings of self-doubt are consuming, because I feel like my work is just too odd, archaic, perplexing or intricate for the casual or average reader. Above all, I just want to be successful and accepted, eccentricities and idiosyncrasies included. I hope this post doesn’t come across like some big “pity-party” because that’s not my aim, goal or intention; I’m just airing out my concerns and worry in regard to my artistry
and hoping that people will help me by explaining why they don’t like or enjoy
something I’ve written. Thank you for reading and considering. ~Chan aka JTAP