Shucks! I thought that cats and Christmas trees were irresistible, but I was wrong. That is probably because most of you are in the dog camp, and have never experienced what a cat can do to a tree. I found this diary under my cat's bed, and it turns out I was right--they're evil little creatures who have a higher plan--to drive their owners crazy.
Merlin's Diary
Entry 465.
I saw them today. They were in the attic. This can only mean one thing; Christmas is coming. Or summer. Depends on which boxes they're moving. I will stealthily prowl the perimeters of the attic to check and see. AAAAAGggggggggggggggggh!. Now that I've fallen through the fiberglass insulation into the ceiling of the bedroom below, they mock my espionage. "Ooohhh Widdle Whiskers, did oo hurt yourself? let me look at you. No--don't growl, Ouch! Get out of here you four-legged brat! And look what you did to the ceiling! When I get my hands on you...
Entry 466
There was a little cream in with my kibble this morning. And I got a nice scratch between the ears. Stupid humans!.They should fear me! I'll show them!
They are trying to test the bulbs on the lights. Which is difficult if i'm lying on top of them. Their "Move Whiskers, damn it!" yowls are honey to my ears.
Now they've gone and hung hundreds of cat toys on the tree for me to play with, and something called "tinsel" that I like to eat. THey really do love me! Fools!
Entry 477
If they didn't want me playing with all my toys then they shouldn't have covered the Christmas tree in them! They're round, sometimes they bounce, and they dangle most laciviously. They've never got mad about me playing with my toys before! And then I got a bellyache and "the box" made its appearance. Always run from the box, my kittens. NO good can come of it. However, it can give you a chance to lead the humans on a merry chase that would be so amusing if my tummy didn't hurt so much.
Drat. Into the box, strings of tinsel still hanging from my mouth. They say we are going to "vet." I know this word. It means pain, suffering, needles! This time a new word was added--surgery. And now I have to wear this bloody Elizabethan collar. Christmas is ruined!
Wait, no! There's one thing more.
Entry 478
Tree climbing is so much fun, and I love the tinkling sound of fragile ornaments crashing to the floor. Look! There are even some birds up here. Uh, oh, Feeling a bit dizzy. The room seems to be swaying. No. Thats ME that's swaying. I'm getting out of here. This thing is gonna CRASH!
DEAR READER: Just think about the riches this topic offers you, and overwhelm me with your submissions! Cats and Christmas trees. They go together like "sun" and "burn."