Surrealism At 1 O'Clock
i shake my head no when the target employee asks
if i want to sign up for a rewards card
i shake my head a lot
i have a nervous twitch that jerks my head around
to listen for signs of oncoming freighters
my father and mother call me overmedicated
i call myself in the middle of the night when i am awake
with claws poised above my wrists
antidepressants are a funny thing
when your depression isnt a depression anymore,
when it isnt feeling sad or guilty or lonely
it isn't feeling at all,
it isn't even being numb
it is falling away from your body altogether.
it is you, adrift on autopilot
you've lost your edge, old dog, i tell my naked body in the mirror on the night of my fifteenth birthday.
i spent today underwater
i dropped my plate because i could
and i couldn't keep my arms up
and i stood amongst the shattered ceramic for far longer than i should have,
staring into space like a piece in moma
my father and mother walk in
and call me catatonic
i don't respond
they walk back out and i am still standing in the ceramic
i never move for the fear of sharp things
and for the fear that my lips work fine
and my standing here,
barely breathing,
isn't the medication at all.
Copyright © Cas Puc | Year Posted 2017
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