Surrealism At 1 O'Clock

i shake my head no when the target employee asks if i want to sign up for a rewards card i shake my head a lot i have a nervous twitch that jerks my head around to listen for signs of oncoming freighters my father and mother call me overmedicated i call myself in the middle of the night when i am awake with claws poised above my wrists antidepressants are a funny thing when your depression isnt a depression anymore, when it isnt feeling sad or guilty or lonely it isn't feeling at all, it isn't even being numb it is falling away from your body altogether. it is you, adrift on autopilot you've lost your edge, old dog, i tell my naked body in the mirror on the night of my fifteenth birthday. i spent today underwater i dropped my plate because i could and i couldn't keep my arms up and i stood amongst the shattered ceramic for far longer than i should have, staring into space like a piece in moma my father and mother walk in and call me catatonic i don't respond they walk back out and i am still standing in the ceramic i never move for the fear of sharp things and for the fear that my lips work fine and my standing here, barely breathing, isn't the medication at all.