Never
I was born into a family so messed up
One that makes you feel like you are never enough
Porch fights every night of the week
Everyone in the trailer park could hear the screams
The cops got called
And we got taking away
My 2 sisters and 2 brothers
We all got separated that day
4 years old and so scared
They put me in this system called foster care
Went to about 20 different homes
within that year
I felt like no one wanted me, was I really that bad
So many emotions, and I was really sad
5 years old I went home,
I thought “no more being alone”
But then along came tony,
He came for me whenever he got lonely
He told me, it was okay and he loved me
And that he wanted to show me
That’s when his fingers started to get nosey
I was raped and molested
He told me to keep quiet but I couldn’t accept this
I knew it was wrong,
I was trying to stay strong
I was so young, and this was happening for so long
8 years old and I was so scared
I tried to tell my mom but she didn’t seem to care
She didn’t believe me,
He called me a liar and started to beat me
My whole life flashed before my eyes
That night, I stopped trusting guys
I kept praying for a way out
Out of this hell
No one could hear my screaming or my yells
One night everything had changed
He thought my mom was working late,
So he took my sister and tried to have his way,
My mom walked in and he got caught
My mom dumped him without another thought
She realized I never lied but had too much pride
to even try to apologize
4 more years of being beaten broken and bruised
By the slut I supposed to call mom
Because when she got mad
she was like grenade
An exploding bomb
My prayers finally came through
Foster care again? yes its true.
She didn’t want us anymore
She chose her boyfriend
That stupid whore
But it was finally the end
I thought no more getting hurt
No more crying, no more feeling like dirt
I got a new family, and didn’t want to complain
But after a few more years, I started going insane
Started hurting myself, being the blame
I thought I kept messing everything up,
Every time I turned around, I was never enough
I certainly didn’t feel blessed
I kept it all in, pretending nothing was wrong
I didn’t want to make it more of a mess
I tried to get it all out by using a blade
I tried to control the outcome of my pain
But now I have all these scars,
Inside and out
They are just kind of here,
But I’ll stop
Because if I explained everything,
We would be here for years
So I’ll skip to the end
There is this guy,
He came into my life
We started out as friends,
And then we started dating
He made me believe in everything again
It was really alarming
Because of him,
I quit cutting and quit self-harming
He the reason I changed
Hes my love, my life, and my everything.
And now, I’m stronger than ever
Do I regret anything?
Never.
Copyright © Bre Mcilroy | Year Posted 2016
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