Superman
I sit in a full room, no one knows I am there,
stuck in a corner, the place I have chosen,
away from all focus its all I can bare,
safe from attention, the thing I fear.
Why is this? I do not understand, it feels like a threat, a poison that kills
I am filled with anguish, my own pain and suffering.
Why I give in to this weakness, I do not know
why I have not the strength to break free and grow.
I wish I was more.
I wish I could scale these walls deep inside, I am scarred from all my tries!
I have no fingers left to climb so I sit in silence and hide
alone in my head no one knows I exist.
If that stands true, how can I claim to be alive? I cannot.
I dream to be better.
I dream of conversations with whom I do not matter
The person long known, the one I just met, the one I cannot stand, the one that doesn't exist.
We laugh down the pub, and on the high street.
I save their life and they save mine
we fight in real wars and in a car park.
These dreams are a great many in number and diversity
occurring any minute, any hour.
I dream of living my life just how I please
as a good person, successful and at ease.
I dream of the typical, a house and have two cars, a beautiful fictitious queen and children, a family much loved.
I am a merchant of success and of wealth, the complex and the simple.
But what matters most is what I cannot have, happiness and freedom, freedom from my mind.
I am locked in my head, chained, imprisoned
waist deep in concrete I am unable to move.
No one hears my laughters, my madness, my cries!
A never ending life sentence but only when I am dead.
This is painful to write so I know it is real
In here, my cage, I am funny, sociable, popular
a real character and person and think I exist.
I am successful, confident.
I am feared, strong, powerful
I am superman unstoppable, but no so much.
I am everything other than that me outside
that shell of a person, that hollow man.
He outside and lonely, who cannot be defeated, I cannot conquer, he his own worse enemy.
I read, I learn
I have a head full of knowledge but I have no words
I only need to respond to this person, their friendly hello
my voice is choking, my throat is gripped hard
my head fills with blood, eyes ready to burst!
I can't breathe or talk, I just burn inside
yet we stand here waiting.
I am now just frozen wishing I was gone
so I do just that, I go back within
turning in on myself, I am where Ive always been
stepping through the wardrobe into my realm, another world, my eternal tomb.
Copyright © Thomas Cowans | Year Posted 2023
|