Superman

I sit in a full room, no one knows I am there, stuck in a corner, the place I have chosen, away from all focus its all I can bare, safe from attention, the thing I fear. Why is this? I do not understand, it feels like a threat, a poison that kills I am filled with anguish, my own pain and suffering. Why I give in to this weakness, I do not know why I have not the strength to break free and grow. I wish I was more. I wish I could scale these walls deep inside, I am scarred from all my tries! I have no fingers left to climb so I sit in silence and hide alone in my head no one knows I exist. If that stands true, how can I claim to be alive? I cannot. I dream to be better. I dream of conversations with whom I do not matter The person long known, the one I just met, the one I cannot stand, the one that doesn't exist. We laugh down the pub, and on the high street. I save their life and they save mine we fight in real wars and in a car park. These dreams are a great many in number and diversity occurring any minute, any hour. I dream of living my life just how I please as a good person, successful and at ease. I dream of the typical, a house and have two cars, a beautiful fictitious queen and children, a family much loved. I am a merchant of success and of wealth, the complex and the simple. But what matters most is what I cannot have, happiness and freedom, freedom from my mind. I am locked in my head, chained, imprisoned waist deep in concrete I am unable to move. No one hears my laughters, my madness, my cries! A never ending life sentence but only when I am dead. This is painful to write so I know it is real In here, my cage, I am funny, sociable, popular a real character and person and think I exist. I am successful, confident. I am feared, strong, powerful I am superman unstoppable, but no so much. I am everything other than that me outside that shell of a person, that hollow man. He outside and lonely, who cannot be defeated, I cannot conquer, he his own worse enemy. I read, I learn I have a head full of knowledge but I have no words I only need to respond to this person, their friendly hello my voice is choking, my throat is gripped hard my head fills with blood, eyes ready to burst! I can't breathe or talk, I just burn inside yet we stand here waiting. I am now just frozen wishing I was gone so I do just that, I go back within turning in on myself, I am where Ive always been stepping through the wardrobe into my realm, another world, my eternal tomb.