Read Poems by Ella Lillian

  

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In My Very Own Dreams

So this is it, huh?

This is the end?

We have come this far,

And this is the end?



All over, just like that?

Your betrayal seep in through my pores,

It taints me whole.



This is the ending of a horrible beginning,

So we have said our peace,

We have bared our souls.

But this is it,

This is our toll.



Heartbreak conquers all,

It corrupts and fractures all,

So why am I standing?

When my heart has caved in

Mind, body, soul, crushed because of fanciful whims.



I have lost the ability to cry,

I have lost any semblance in this lie,

Is this what it was?

Negligence, manipulation and the terrible terrible lies.



The web you build, and I willingly fell,

Was I the fool?

Did I become your tool?

Maybe I should have known.

Maybe I should have shown,

I am not yours to own.



I am no ones' to command,

I do not heel,

I do not submit,

I have never quit.



So tell me now,

My mistakes, and my being,

But I will rise with glory

I will shun your sham,

And rise above.



I am not one to kneel,

So this you would heed,

Even at my most broken

I have come to accept my weakness,

I have come to engage with my demons.



I have risen above to any delusions,

Loving you was a slip,

So now that I have fallen,

And lived through the bruises and bleeding.



I have become more than I was,

And I will continue to be,

Just that little more

That you would ever hope to see.



Because I believe,

There is something in me,

Something to love,

Something to protect.



So I will do it for me,

Because no one seems to see,

The little girl in me,

Who cries each day

Hoping someone will pick her up,

Someone will comfort.



Yet no one comes,

So I will grow to be big,

I will grow to be strong,

I will love myself enough,

So that when I am finally found,

I wouldn't need anyone else to be a complete person.

I wouldn't be left with this pain of being less.

I would be finally found,

By my own loving sounds.



You could wound me,

But I would you kiss blue,

And I would leave you.

For me, I have lived with myself

And I would continue to do so

I would like to live and live 

Just that little more.



This existence is a blessing,

I have lived for myself,

I came in this world alone,

I lived to carry the burdens,

I lived to overcome misery.



You or anyone will not break me,

You can put me down,

But I will get up again.

Bleeding scrapes but I will get up again.



Because in this world,

I have come alone,

No one to love,

No mercy is shown.



So who else should I love,

If not my own self.

I will love myself enough,

Because in the end

I have come alone,

I have suffered alone.



Love is not an illusion,

But it could give you delusions.

You were the person you were, 

Before you fell in love

And you would be the person you are even after

Your lover has left.



A person doesn't make you whole,

You build yourself whole

For another person to fit in your soul.



So I will build myself up for myself,

Because love will come and go,

People may or may not show.

But I, I will exit. 

I will exist for myself.



I do not need anyone else to justify my existence.

I will continue with my resistance,

I will fight whoever puts me down,

I will continue to live,

And love my very being.

Because I exist for myself 

And to live in my very own dreams.

Copyright © Ella Lillian | Year Posted 2021